Teargas — The Guarulhos Epilogue

I realize that I have finished the Teargas Chronicles with a thrilling chapter on Teargas and Futebol.

But to complete the story, it is necessary to add this epilogue and rate the preparedness of the main entry point into Brazil: Guarulhos (Cumbica) International Airport.

Current Preparedness: 3

Expected Preparedness: 1.5

It is going to get worse?  Yes, it is going to get worse.

First of all, the airport is a pit (disaster) and in great need of a do-over.  After winning the World Cup in 2007, Brazil has invested jack crap ($0) in making the place any better, although I am sure the funds have found some pockets to line.  Oh, wait, I stand corrected, the funds did create this awesome logo:

Seriously, the place is a disaster.  When they won the World Cup in 2007, they had to provide a plan with not only the stadiums, but the infrastructure, logistics, etc.  From what I have seen, represented below and in the three previous Chronicles, I am amazed at the lack of progress.  They cannot build a stadium on time or budget; they cannot upgrade an airport — the parking garage in Salvador is lit like a dark alley with nary a sign posted.  When you park your car, they don’t even have those Section 4D placards.  It is almost like they are trying to outdo each other in incompetence.

Now you might ask why all of this is a big deal since Sao Paulo is not the principal city for the the World Cup.  Well, Brazil has a closed skies & eyes policy, and, therefore, Guarulhos tends to be the landing point for all incoming international flights.  Sure, you may connect or continue to Rio, etc.  but first stop is Guarulhos. (For my geographically challenged friends, Brazil is the size of the continental USA and São Paulo is similar in location to Atlanta.)

So if you are attending a game in Pernambuco (the Northeast; think Boston), enjoy the ride as your flight passes OVER Pernambuco and continues on for T-H-R-E-E hours in order to land in São Paulo (the Southeast), where you get to pass through immigration, customs, re-check your bags, and get back on a plane to fly back from whence you came another 3 hours to land in Recife, Pernambuco.  For an American it would be like flying from Toronto to Atlanta in order to catch a flight back to New York.  You might do it for price, but you would not do it because the ONLY F’ING PLACE TO LAND IN AMERICA IS ATLANTA.

And while I give Guraulhos (a little) credit for constructing new parking garages, how in the name of Zeus’ Butthole (apologies to Nicholas Cage in The Rock) will this help the thousands of tourists who are foreigners and are coming to Brazil for the World Cup?  Are they going to rent cars and then park them at the airport?  Considering the state of the roads and the traffic, this might actually make sense, but still an unlikely outcome.

The airport itself was designed by The Addams Family.  I have seen brighter lit cemetaries.  Depressing; let’s get to the food.

Airlines may be famous for horrible cuisine, but any modern airports sport a variety of good places to eat.  In fact, they usually get local restaurants to pay exhorbitant rents to have a mini-version within the Airport.  Could be Ivar’s in Seattle, Pizzaria Uno in Chicago; heck, even Chili’s in Sacramento.  So Sao Paulo, with such famous brands as Fogo do Chao, Gero, Kopenhagn, Ofner, even Frevô, gives us Ademilson’s Cafe with crappy coffee and old cheese bread.  WTF?

My next complaint is the shopping. We all know that airports have some combination of Duty Free, Shopping Mall type stores (e.g. Gap), Luxury Stores (Louis Vuitton) and your local ripoff tourist stores.  Heck, we expect this.  Guarulhos has only the last — and even those stores are crap and could not even get the fat, ugly, tank top, shorts and black socks wearing American tourist, who is on a dorky tour as they have never traveled out of the state, much less the country, to buy some ”Rocks from the Rainforest” or other ridiculous tchotchkes that have no relation to Brazil.

And finally, Sports.  It always comes back to sports.  I went to Rio.  On the way back I had some time in the airport and decided to look for a football jersey for RPG I, since Rio is home to FOUR major teams, including mine, Botafogo.  Not one store had one item.  Repeat, not one store had one item.  Ahh, this makes sense. Let’s not have an unearthly supply of highly sought after and heavily overpriced mechandise for the one sport that any gives a Kagawa about.

When I asked someone about this, they said that people in airports would not be interested in buying these jerseys.  Huh?  What?  Have you ever traveled you moron?  Tell that to DFW, JFK, IAD, SFO, ORD, LAX, as well as every major airport in Europe that will sell local jerseys, foreign jerseys, and national team jerseys at EXHORBITANT  prices.  Seeing that in Copenhagen, yes Denmark, I could buy a Holland jersey with Van Persie, Sneijder, Robben, and not Cruyff, Van Basten, Gullit or Davids  (although that would have been cool), I am led to believe that they tend to sell out regularly.  Auuuugggghhhh.

Actually, I am sure that they will rectify this one last item, since FIFA is as greedy as they come and will ensure that there is lots of FIFA licensed merchandise to sell.

The other points, being up to the government and other bureaucratic organizations?….well:

Preparedness 1.5

Brings Tear(gas) to my eyes — The Finale

For those of you who read Episodes I & II of the Tear Gas Chronicles, here is the most sought after Fin do Siècle since Star Wars – Return of the Jedi, Lord of the Rings – The Return of the King, Batman – The Dark Knight Rises, and Die Hard – With a Vengeance (in fact, RPG I and I re-enacted the roles of Bruce Willis and Samuel Jackson rather effectively I might say).

So if you recall, our heroes had already overcome the ‘’I don’t Kno-Tel,’’ and FIFA Ticketing, where FIFA stands for ‘’First In First Annoyed’’ (a little accounting humor).

So its Go Time.  Nigeria and Uruguay starts at 19h.  The stadium opens at 16h.  It is only a few km away, so we decide to grab a taxi around 16h.

The taxi drives a few kilometers, and then tells us that due to the political protests, he has to stop where we are, about 2km from the stadium.  We should walk.  He says to just follow the (yellow brick) road.  Simple enough.

So RPG I and I start to make our way through the protesting crowd.  I am 99,99% in favor of the protests.  The people are protesting a level of corruption and a lack of services, really a lack of respect, that should make you throw up in your mouth, if not on the president of the senate (purposely written in small letters).

As RPG I is blond haired and blue eyed, and wearing an Uruguay jersey, and Bahia, where the game is, has a predominantly African descended population, he sticks out.  Everyone has one of three reactions: 1) Looks at him and smiles, or 2) looks at him and says something sweet like, “too bad you have to pass through this protest,”  ‘’you are beautiful,’’ and ‘’go Uruguay,’’ the last of which is funny, because 3) many people say things to him in Spanish due to the jersey, which he finds totally perplexing.

We eventually come to a civic square, full of protesters and surrounded by riot police, know as Tropa de Choque (Shock Troops).  You know these guys mean business since they have batons and NO WEAPONS.  If I have to explain this to you, your life is Marin-Country Sheltered.

But the atmosphere is calm.  The protests are peaceful and the troops are mainly text messaging.

Now remember, the point of this trilogy is to speak to the preparedness of Brazil regarding hosting the World Cup in a year.  So here is your first example.  As the protests are in a town square, there are many roads to choose from.  Forget the Robert Frost – Path Least Taken metaphor – I just want to take the correct road to the Stadium, named Fonte Nova.

So like any non-Portuguese speaking tourist will do in a year, I look up at the signs.  Putting it in Bay Area terms, there are signs for Market Street, Geary, the Marina, the Sunset and Noe Valley.  Great, I am not from Salvador, and I have no fíng clue where these neighborhoods are.

So Brazil just spent upwards of R$500M on this new stadium, but forgot to put signs on the road pointing out exactly where the stadium is.  In the words of Adam Sandler, Wedding Singer: Things I could have been told YESTERDAY!

So I am left with a single option: Ask a protester.  The question is simple: Which road do I take to Fonte Nova (and remember, next year’s World Cup tourist will unlikely have this option in any language other than loudly spoken BROKEN English.  And the resident of Salvador, Bahia has a <1% chance of speaking English, broken or otherwise.)  The problem is that these protesters, among their many gripes, is the fact that the government invested R$6B in the World Cup and its stadiums, all of which are 100% OVER budget and have probably lined the pockets of many a politician and business person.  So effectively, my question is ‘’excuse me, but I am a rich foreigner who makes more in a month than you do in a year, who has access to private medical care, whose kids are in private school, who has a company car and does not use the bus, who has the option to move back to the USA, and who spent the equivalent of 4 minimum monthly salaries to attend 2 soccer matches in the very stadium that took all your resources for education and healthcare; can you, kindly, tell me where to find said stadium?’’

Fortunately, as I said, the protesters are cool.  The young lady asks a friend, and he points us in a particular direction.  I say ‘’thanks’’ and they say ‘’enjoy the match.’’

So we weave our way through the protesters, where we come to a human shield of riot police (I prefer Shock Troops – more Storm Trooper-esque).  I approach the first trooper and explain that I want to go to the game.  He asks to see my tickets; I show them, and they let us pass.  All tranquil.  They have just set up the FIFA determined perimeter to prevent the masses from getting to the stadium.

Shortly after passing the Shock Troops, a bunch of other troops trot up on horseback.  I point this out to RPG I.  So far so calm.

We get less than 50M behind the line and I hear POP POP POP POP. I , of course, turnaround and look and see plumes of smoke, Tear Gas, among the populace.  And the Pop Pop Pop is rubber bullets.  As we are a good 150-200m from the commotion, and behind the Shock Troops, we are fine and there is no panic.  As I stand there rather intrigued but not necessarily processing everything, a Shock Trooper approaches and kindly says, looking at RPG I, ‘’you might want to continue on to the stadium.’’  Armed or unarmed, we figure it is a good idea to follow his advice.

Quick note: I have learned during these protests that one way to protect yourself from Teargas is to wear a bandana soaked in vinegar.  As I am originally from San Francisco, and have a somewhat sophisticated palate, I figured there is only one way to attend a riot:  Bandana soaked in Balsamic Vinegar and a baguette to accompany.  RPG I models our latest ‘’Soccer’’ wear.

Bandana – check
Vinegar (balsamic) – check
Edible Baton – check

Now I am not one to think ‘’OMG, we came so close to Tear Gas and being shot with rubber bullets, call the Embassy.  ‘Evac helicopter NOW!’’ Dammit, we are 1.5 Americans; we find a way to Improvise, Adapt, Overcome!

It was what shall we say, a unique experience.  The government of Brazil, and tone-deaf FIFA have a year to solve a lot of problems, as the protests are not only valid, the protesters are not STUPID.  Protests and violence during the World Cup will generate 100x if not 1000x the attention.

As an addendum, RPG I and I watched a highly entertaining Uruguay 2 – Nigeria 1 match that day, followed by an epic Brazil 4 – Italy 2 match on Saturday, all with logistical complications but without other major incidents.  (After you have survived being shot at with Tear Gas and Rubber Bullets – poetic license/exaggeration – the inability to find a taxi pales in comparison.)

Now back to our original purpose – the scale of Current Preparedness/Future Preparedness

Stadium Fonte Nova

Current 7 / Expected 8: Need to improve greatly the food service in reserve stock, distribution, and time of transaction.

Salvador

Current 4 / Expected 5.5:  They can put up signs, and some Einstein will think to do so, but the infrastructure and level of English are not changing.

Protesters

Current 8 / Expected 9: They have figured out the model.  Any sizeable peaceful protest will put the government and police of Brazil in a tough spot.  You cannot go around shooting people who merely want the trains to run on time.

FIFA

Current 5 / Expected 5: Their money, transportation to/from matches, seats at the game are all guaranteed.  They have no incentive to improve.

Shock Troops

Current 7 / Expected ?: Really depends.  They should keep the peace, but not at the cost of violence?  Dilemma.  Conundrum.  Enigma.  You name it.

Brazil v Italia brings Tear(gas) to my Eyes – Episode II

With Brazil winning the Confederations Cup, annihilating Spain, surprisingly, 3-0, I figure it is now time to return to my chronicle rating the Preparedness of Brazil for the World Cup in 2014.  If you missed Episode I, it is here.

Needless to say, Brazil, as a team made a great leap in this tournament.  Even to my totally amateur eye, the improvement was obvious.  So while I, and FIFA who had them ranked around 20th in the world, would have said that Brazil was about a 5 on the preparedness scale prior to this tournament, I would put them at an 8 right now.  I see two teams that can beat them – Spain and Germany – and one more with a chance — Holland.  Argentina?  In Brazil?  Messi is no Maradona in World Cups, and Argentina will not have bribes and home court advantage like in 1978.

To have a nice segue from the Final to my blog, did anyone notice how miserable all those fat bastahds from FIFA appeared?  I mean gee whiz: you run an organization that is in charge of Football/Soccer.  What could be cooler?  Not only that, you make BILLIONS of dollars and all guaranteed.  Did you know that their revenue is assured, while that of the host country is not.  For those of you financially challenged, that mans that all the risk is with the host country.  Nice.  In some places we call this protectionism and it is against the law.

Anyway, you would think that FIFA would be prepared, since this is not their first ”rodeo,” but alas, ……

For those of you unfamiliar with Brazilian geography, the Confederations Cup occurred in many cities across Brazil, except Sao Paulo, the largest, most major city in the country.  Despite the fact that Sao Paulo is the economic center of Brazil, I think there was a clash of Corrupt Entities (FIFA and any governmental body in Brazil), so no accord was reached.

What is the big deal you ask?  Well, FIFA regulations state that you can only pick up your tickets to Confed Cup matches in host cities.  Oh, that makes a lot of f’ing sense.  So this means that all those people in Sao Paulo (population 20M in JUST the city) could not get their tickets until arriving in the host city.

WTH?  I can get my cinema tickets on my cell phone.  I can print Maroon 5 (you know, if I liked that kind of music) on my home printer.  But to get my FIFA Confederations Cup tickets, I need to fly to the host city, and on the day of the match, make my way to — oh no, not the stadium, but instead to a shopping center in the exact opposite direction to where I wanted to go.

So RPG II and I head to this shopping center.  We get let off and enter the main entrance.  I look for a sign regarding FIFA tickets.  There is none.  Sure, I can find the food court, bath room and department store, but the temporary FIFA stand — nada!

So I ask a guard.  ”It is on the third floor, in the parking garage, section A.”  Really FIFA, you make BILLIONS on the World Cup and cannot rent a storefront?  A kiosk?

We arrive to the garage stall and there are two lines — one for people with reservations (like me) and one for people who had not reserved a time but wanted to get their tickets.  My line is longer – go figure.

So we get to the check in and we are directed to another line.  RPG II and I are in that line for a bit and it does not move.  We finally get a bit frustrated, and along with a couple of other patrons, we ask what the delay is.  “Well, this is the line to buy tickets today, it goes more slowly.” WTH FIFA?  There is a 3rd line and you did not even inform us.  But we not only did not buy tickets today, we had reserved a ticket pickup a month ago.

Well, there must have been a miscommunication according to a volunteer.  Well, I guess.  I know it is hard to break people into three lines, but perhaps we could have studied more.  And remember, this is a Confederations Cup line with only 8 competing teams and 97% of all attendees able to speak Portuguese.

In the end, we get our tickets and make it to the game (although that harrowing journey will be subject of the next post on Preparedness), but FIFA, let me give you some free advice, as I do for Tia Dilma (putative President of Brazil):

• Print (tickets at home) ability
• Signs
• Storefront
• Training

FIFA degree of preparedness: 6

FIFA expected degree of preparedness: 7.5

Stay Tunes, the laughs and gas are yet to come!

Brazil x Italy Brings Tear(gas) to My Eyes! (Ep. 1)

Hello All:

I recognize that many of my friends who are not enthralled with the NBA, NHL, MLB or pre-training camp NFL, are anxiously awaiting my opinion on the protests that are occurring here in Brazil.  That, however, requires two things I normally do not put into my blog: Thinking and Time.

But in order to whet, or quench, your thirst, I have decided to recount my recent experience attending the Confederations Cup Soccer Tournament here in Brazil.  I attended the Nigeria v Uruguay match, and the MUCH ANTICIPATED Italy v Brazil matches.

My overall experience should shed some light on many topics — Politics, Protests, World Cup preparations, FIFA, etc.

As no one has time to read REALLY long posts, I will break them into smaller entries.

Today’s episode: The World Cup Approved Hotel.

I arrive in Salvador and head with RPG II (my boy) to the Portobello Ondina Beach Hotel.  This hotel is amazing.  Not because it is illustrious and chic, but because their photographer is the Frank Avedon or Annie Liebowitz of hotel photographers.  They made the hotel look so incredible online, but in reality…well, it was like turning Roseanne Barr into Bar Rafaeli.

Roseanne Bar (Reality)

Bar Refaeli (Marketing)

1. Is there special transport to/from the stadium?To continue, the evening before the Nigeria v Uruguay match I had a few questions for my hotel employees.  You know, tough ones like:
2. Does it pick up close to here?
3. Do taxis have special privileges?
4. Will the earth end before the start of the match?

The answers to these questions could be summed up best as: ”I don’t know.”  This was not even said with disdain, or anger; just matter-of-fact, apathy.  It was impossible to be offended.  I could have yelled at the guy, but that was not going to change his knowledge, or his interest in obtaining it.

I merely stated, with a smile on my face: ”In a year, it might be nice if you all had a bit more information.”

End Episode 1.

To conclude though, I have decided to rate my experience(s) on a scale from 1-10 evaluating Current Preparedness and 2014 Preparedness.

My Initial Ranking:

Hotel Portobello:

Current Preparedness – 4

2014 Preparedness – 6

Subscribe to not miss the next installment of The Tear Gas Chronicles!

Where is the Love World Cup 2014?

[Click here to read the recap on my experience last year, and the hope that it is not the same this year.]

Between Facebook, Twitter, Email, Texts and Whatsapp, I have had a lot of question regarding whether everyone was pumped for the World Cup.  Having spent 1998 here in Brazil (Final: Brazil 0, France 3, and everyone saying France had bought the Cup), and 2002 here in Brazil (Final: Brazil 2, Germany 0, and no one contending that the Cup was bought), I have to say that despite, or perhaps because Brazil is the host city, the run up to the Cup has been almost devoid of joy.

You may wonder why.

I have a theory that has been vetted by some of my more erudite and experienced friends.

Brazil has the friendliest people in the world.  And they do not want to sell you a rug.  However, the Flip Side of this is that they are less inclined to complain, protest or demand what should be theirs.  Until this Cup that is.

The joke always was that Brazilians would be satisfied with ”Bread and Circus,” along the lines of the famous (to me) line from Gladiator: ”If you control the Mob you control Rome.” Give the people a simple program that pays them $50 per month for each kid they have, and perhaps a good showing in the World Cup, and you can steal them blind.  (Estimates of Brazilian corruption range from $60-100 BILLION PER YEAR.  I believe it.)

However, when the World Cup is in France, Japan+Korea, Germany, South Africa, the public tends to focus on the Cup and not the problems at home.  Think of it as a month long Super Bowl.  But with the Cup in Brazil, the disparities became too apparent.  I equate the Stadiums to the Palaces of Saddam Hussein.  The average Brazilian (who is poor not middle class), looks at the opulence, financed with his tax dollars, but frequented by the rich and well connected, to watch millionaire soccer players kick a ball around, and, well, they may have woken up.

This in sharp juxtaposition to the terrible roads, poor school, non existent public healthcare, and the lack of personal security, and the people think, ”gee, maybe we could have used this $11B elsewhere.”’

Combine this with a government that thinks that proper socialism has never been tried, that Venezuela and Argentina and Cuba are good neighbors (despite the cumulative buying power of Pacific Palisades), and that despite being accused and convicted of mega-corruption each day yet feels no compunction to ever explain itself to the public, and you have a recipe for revolution.

Now some of the revolution has been co-opted by morons that just want to break things, and now every group of twenty that demands free gum at work can block a highway, so this revolution could go sideways easily.  We will have to see.  It depends on two things and their inter-relation:

1) How well Brazil does in the World Cup.  If they go far and even win, will it benefit the government? The PT (ruling party) will certainly try to co-opt the success.  And the average Brazilian, with their 8th grade education, may buy it. But the real Brazil Cup happens in October, at the polls.

[Brazil did beat Croatia today 3-1, so we will have to see what impact that has, if any, on the country’s mood.]

2) If the current ruling party wins re-election despite all the mis-steps and genuine venality and lack of concern for the average citizen, then you can expect a lost generation and a Brain-Flight out of Brazil to any country that is looking for smart, dedicated and capable professionals who will have, in great sadness, lost whatever hope they had to improve their own country.

Kind of somber but you asked.

Now back to our regular programming. Which is Holland-Spain tomorrow (Friday the 13th) at 3pm EST.  I am going to watch, after all, I cannot even vote here! 

 

 

 

 

 

My Life Post Phelps

Reportedly, Michael Phelps’ career as a competitive swimmer has come to and end.  Just yesterday, many were contemplating how their life would continue without him.  Fortunately, these were Americans, these were the Olympic Games, and by today no one remembers Phelps, or what events he won/lost.  On to Track (not Field as we Americans stink at Field.  When was the last time we won the Hammer Throw?). Then to Baseball pennant races, leading to the “World” Series.

Nevertheless, let’s recap the last week, as I am sure Bob Costas, or Tiago Maranhao, has not done so*:

* I do not include Opening Ceremonies in the recap in that I still am at a loss why anyone would attend.  4 hours of boredom with a weird theatrical play followed by thousands of athletes walking. Wouldn’t the money be better spent watching Bolt repeat in the 100, which he did, or catching rowing or, well, anything that requires the break a sweat?

1) Phelps e Foda! Excuse the Portuguese, but there is no word in English like Foda, which would roughly translate as Awesome, if Awesome were a foul word allowed to be used as a positive in this instance.  Everyone dumped on him after the 400IM. Whatever.  He only followed that up with the best split on our 4×100 Free relay team, and crushed the 100M Butterfly in both the individual race and Medley Relay.  22 Olympic medals and 18 Gold.  Repeat that!  Best Swimmer of all time, obviously.  Which made it patently unfair that Lochte, only the second most decorated swimmer in Men’s US Olympic history gets criticized for not being Phelps.  He is not MJ, or President of the USA either.  He should not have been in the 4x100M relay, so unfair to blame him, and he faltered in the 200 Back — big wup.  It happens.  Take a break #haters.

2) Most famous Farah since Fawcett.  Very cool to see Farah from GB winning the 10,000M at home.  I remember in 1984 saying how unfortunate it was for the USA competitors to only get to travel to Los Angeles.  Since that naive time, I have come to realize there may be no greater Olympic victory than winning with the support of the entire nation, and Paul McCartney, behind you.  Figure this is what also led Andy Murray to crush Federer in the Gold Medal final for Tennis.  Loved seeing that.  But gee, what Stiff Upper Lips the British had.  I was closer to tears than any of those in the box supporting Murray.  One other cool moment was the entire crowd in the velodrome singing Hey Jude while Paul McCartney was in attendance.

3) The Logos.  I have no issue with the London 2012 logo.  While Iran claimed it reads Zion, I am more of the school that it looks like Lisa Simpson committing a sexual act.  Regardless, too much money and thought goes into the generation and evaluation of a logo.  Of course, the same cannot be said regarding the mascot…

What exactly were the designers thinking with this one-eyed wonder?  Perhaps, like Lisa Simpson, I do not want to know.

4) Hoop.  I am sorry, Dwight Howard or no Dwight Howard, the USA should not be threatened in basketball, except, perhaps, by Spain.  Lithuania was too close for comfort, and Argentina could pose a threat but should not.  We are still talking an NBA All Star team, even if not a Dream Team.  And with LBJ at the top of his powers, the Gasol brothers should not scare us.  Doesn’t mean we will win, but does mean we should.

5) Handball.  Weird sport where the goalie is basically a prop.  However, I actually do think this is a sport the USA should dominate.  Run, pass, throw.  What exactly am I missing?  Reminds me of my buddy in college, Russ, who took up field hockey and promptly qualified for the Olympic Team tryouts.  Get our tennis players, softball players and/or others into this and we win the gold in 2016.  Which would help us compete with the…

6) Chinese.  I hate medal counts, unless they were normalized for population and per capita income.  China has 1B people and experiments with their athletes from early ages, funneling them into a program where one wins a gold and the 1000s work at K-Mart (or at least producing the products sold there).  The USA has 300M people, and just about more money, and certainly more pools, per capita, so dominating swimming is not that surprising.  So the medal count is rather silly; plus, the Chinese win a bunch in Archery and Shooting, so who really cares?  It is not an Olympic event if you don’t sweat.

7) Cal Golden Bears.  The name is fitting as the University of California, Berkeley, where YesMSG attended, has attained 8 Gold, 1 Silver and 4 Bronze, which would be 11th place if Cal were a country!  #GoBears!

8) Best Names.  The Olympics always has great names, and 2012 is no different.  Double Gold and Single Silver Medalist Ranomi Kromowidjo is the early leader, but if the US Women’s Volleyball team can achieve its First (yes, First) Gold, then Foluke Akinradewo poses a threat.

9) Hotties.  Every four years there is an outrage when the networks focus too much on the ‘hot’ athletes.  Um, why?  Look, we can be metrosexual about this.  If I can spend an entire week watching swimmers, who are tall, massive shoulders, flat stomachs and thin waists, without worsening my body image, then I should be able to respect the Dutch Women’s Field Hockey Team, or the Italian Women’s Beach Volley Team?  But in deference to my sensitive female American readership (if I have one), I will merely point out that Lolo Jones should hopefully win the 100m Hurdles Gold she deserved in 2008, and leave the rest of you to do your own Bing search for female athletes.

10) The TV Coverage.  This article by @rosenberg_mike says it best, but I do have an appreciation (to some extent) for NBC, as I am currently watching the Olympics in Brazil.  Now don’t get me wrong, I cannot stand the schmaltzy stuff NBC did, and they were certainly late to the live action game, however…In Brazil they do have 4-6 stations going live with all action all day — which is AWESOME.  Terra.com.br also streams almost all events live on the internet.  Both are superior to NBC (I believe).  However, NBC does do the best packaging for those that like it.  So if you want to avoid the results all day, like a Luddite, and get home to watch the events ‘plausibly’ live*, that is cool.  Cannot do that here.  The evening shows all let you know who essentially won before showing the highlights and analyzing it.  And I know the US is often accused of following sports we are actively involved in, but that does make some sense.  Here in Brazil I get a lot more Judo (cool) and Sailing (whatever) as the country is good at that.  Sure, they show a lot of the USA, but since we dominate swimming and some other events, that makes sense too.  So basically, I don’t think the Tiger Woods** coverage is all that different than elsewhere, so lay off Costas!

* I remember complaints about the Opening Ceremonies being tape delayed.  Um, who cares?  It is not like the result is in doubt.  What, the cauldron was not lit?  The Queen did her nails….tape delay only matters when there is a result.  Watching an Opening Ceremony hours after the fact is no big deal, and it is packaged for the evening female audience anyway

** Tiger Woods coverage is how every golf tournament is covered.  “Tiger is currently struggling at the Wisconsin open, and is 7 shots back of leader Dustin Johnson, who has four holes-in-one.”  Because, in the end, Americans care about Americans, unless the Olympic Gold Medalist crossed the Sahara with no water, carrying his pet hamster, and putting out a Bedouin tent fire along the way.

It’s LeBron and it’s Not Debatable

So LeBron not surprisingly won the NBA MVP Award.  Is there really any doubt?  Seriously.  Take any of his contemporaries — Kobe, Dwyane (sic), CP3, Dwight Howard and ask yourself this question:

Would any of these teams be worse with LeBron in place of said superstar?  Would the Cavaliers be better?  As much as I like Dwyane, no way.  You could make an argument for Kobe, but Kobe 2003, not Kobe 2009.

Let me go a step further.  If the Cleveland LeBrons win the title, it will be the most impressive championship in the modern (since Bird & Magic) NBA era.  Never will such a one man team have won the title, and in a league that is arguably more competitive than before based on the aforementioned stars, AND teams like the Spurs.  You question Yes MSG?  Well then, my loyal reader, I submit for your review:

• Bird’s Celts – be serious. McHale, the Chief, Maxwell, DJ, Ainge.  That is an all star or at least B+ NBA player through the lineup
• Magic’s Lakers – Kareem, Worthy, Scott; heck, even Mychal Thompson and Jamaal Wilkes were above average.  And you had Rambus to knock guys on their butt
• Isiah’s Pistons – Probably the closest to LeBron, but still had Mark Aguirre, and no one on Cavs has an immovable a$$ like his; plus Laimbeer was solid in the middle and pre-freaky Rodman dominated the boards
• Jordan’s Bulls – sure he dominated like no other, but Scotty was the best #2 to Kareem, and guys like Rodman, Horace Grant, Ron Harper were excellent performers.  Even a BJ Armstrong would be a starter on the Cavs
• Shaq’s Lakers – had Kobe
• Shaq’s Heat – had Dwyane
• Timmy’s Spurs – had Robinson, Ginobili, Parker, and the magic of Big Shot Rob

Now let’s take a look at this year’s two favorites:

Kobe has:

Gasol – All Star and one of best INTL players in the league

Odom – Enigmatic, but, like “Sheed,” unparalleled skills; consistency is the issue

Ariza – Coming into his own

Bynum – OK, more potential than reality, but still a strong inside presence

Farmar – Best Jewish player in the league; God must be on his side

Walton – Best descendent of an NBA Hall of Famer in the league

Fisher – The total Jordan Bulls role type player and locker room guy

Vujacic – Good outside shooter and either lovely or disgusting hair depending on your POV

Morrison – Like ML Carr, but with tears

DJ Mbenga – Ran the turntable at my Bar Mitzvah

Sun Yue – vying with Yian Jianlian for second best Chinese born NBA player

and a bunch of scrubs.

By my count, you have Kobe and Pau, plus Ariza and Odom that could play on (almost) any championship team.  And some serviceable parts.

 

Now LeBron is saddled with:

Varejao – Energy guy is always good but not as your second or third best player

Williams – All Star in Milwaukee as I think they had to have an All Star, or is that MLB?

West – Actually, he is pretty good; would make the Lakers

Ilgauskas – Lithuanian for “slow and hurt”

Pavlovic — Poor man’s Vujacic

Szczerbiak – Cannot guard anyone, cannot dribble or drive, cannot buy a vowel

Wallace – would have been nice in 2003; not so nice now

Gibson – Nicknamed Boobie — need I say more?

Smith – Drafted #1 by the Warriors in 1995.  If that does not reek of ‘mistake’ then what does?

Wright – 12 years in the NBA and most famous for people saying, “Wow, Lorenzen Wright is still in the league.  You cannot teach height.”

and a bunch MORE scrubs

Other than Energy Guy Varejao and Mo Williams, none of these guys make the Lakers, much less supplant even the Bill Cartwright / Bill Wennington / Luc Longley’s of MJ’s Bulls.

If the Lakers win the title (presuming they get by the Rockets), you will remember Gasol, Ariza, Fisher and Odom.  If the Cavs win the title, you will remember the MVP only (with the possible exception of Varejao for his Sideshow Bob hairstyle).

Disagreement welcome, but you are wrong!

NFL Free Agency

Well, it is awfully hard to focus on Free Agency when I can barely see through the tears caused by Brett Favre’s retirement.  But let’s actually count the happy people:

1) Me.  I now don’t have to go down to Kiln, Mississippi and await word from the mount about Brett’s annual ‘will he won’t he’ retirement dance.  And for those of you familiar with pottery, Kiln is aptly named.  I personally think that Brett came back the last few years because he got sick of the stifling heat in Kiln during the summer.

2) Mike McCarthy, coach.  If Favre had retired last year, no way the Pack reaches the NFC Championship, and no way McCarthy gets a huge contract extension.  Probably would have been in the unemployment line.  So Brett gave him financial security.  This year we see if he can coach.

3) Aaron Rodgers.  Sitting for another year would have been painful.  However, following Favre in Green Bay will be like following Elway or Marino, which has been totally unsuccessful over the past 8-10 years.  Only Montana was followed by a reasonable substitute — Steve Young — who, despite winning a superbowl and being a hall of famer, was never completely accepted by the Montana acolytes, like my mom. 

Prediction: Rodgers becomes the latest Jeff Tedford-coached (considered) bust in the NFL, following Trent Dilfer (OK, he was serviceable), Akili Smith, David Carr and Kyle Boller (and this hurts me to say as I am a Cal guy)

Now on to Free Agency.  Peter King put it best below before you Cleveland fans get too excited:

“I’ll give you some first-weekend thoughts in a moment, as well as a rundown of why the Browns did what they did. But as I try to digest the first three days, I want to caution you about what this all means. A year from now, if you care to do so, look back on the first weekend of 2008 free agency and think: What was all the fuss about? Case in point, think back to last year. On the first weekend, the big stories were about:

• The 49ers rebuilding their secondary by signing cornerback Nate Clements and safety Michael Lewis. San Francisco went from a defense that allowed 3,571 passing yards in 2006 to one that allowed 3,643 in 2007. Not a great weekend.

The Patriots made two big moves — signing linebacker Adalius Thomas and trading for wideout Wes Welker. Thomas was OK, but wasn’t the versatile rusher they thought he’d be. Welker was spectacular, catching 139 passes in New England’s 18-1 season while being the security blanket Tom Brady never had. A good but not smashing weekend.

• The Bills signed a new offensive line — Derrick Dockery and Langston Walker — before drafting a new mega-back, Marshawn Lynch. The result: Buffalo finished 30th in scoring (15.8 points per game), 30th in total offense (277.1 yards per game) and 15th in rushing (112.5 yards per game).

In other words, buyer beware.”

However, despite those words, what exactly are the 49ers doing again?  Cincy had 22 sacks total, and only 2 by Justin Smith, yet that is worth $20M.  I could go on, but four words render Free Agency meaningless — Alex Smith; Shaun Hill.

Of course, not to be outdone by their Bay Area neighbors, the Raiders are also making lots of Free Agency moves (which, BTW, are inexplicable).

They re-sign Tommy Kelly, who they envision as Warren Sapp’s replacement.  The guy has 13 sacks in 4 years and is coming off of reconstructive knee surgery.  So a $50M contract with $18M guaranteed is not extravagant at all. 

They also ink Javon Walker for 6 years for $55M, with $16M guaranteed (more than Randy Moss got in NE — what???).  But hey, he only missed almost all of 2005 and 1/2 of last year with injuries, so $16M is sound financial management.

Not done, the Raiders also continued their tradition of picking up players from SuperBowl winners by signing Gibril Wilson from the NY Football Giants.  This should work out at least as well as Dominic Rhodes (Colts), Desmond Howard (Packers) and the ultimate signee, Larry Brown (Cowboys), who turned two Neil O’Donnell throws right into his gut into $12M.

Lastly, the Raiders are not interested in father-to-be Darren McFadden because they re-signed (when they should have resigned) Justin Fargas.  $12M, 6 guaranteed, over 4 years.  Justin Fargas — ok, so no need to look at 2 time Heisman Runner up.  Fargas’ tenure has lasted longer than his dad’s acting career.

Oh, and last we heard, they are trying to force their coach to resign (not re-sign).

One note on the Vikes: how did Bernard Berrian ALSO get more guaranteed money from the Vikes ($16M) than Randy Moss got from the Pats?  I mean, who ever schemed against Bernard Berrian?

The rest of Free Agency is rather a blur — lots of second rate talent — e.g. Donte Stallworth — getting first rate dollars ($35M?  To play second fiddle to Braylon Edwards?), but that is what happens when the cap is $116M and the GM is spending the owner’s money.

So with that, one final note, unique to Yes MSG in its seemingly unrelated topics blending into an apt metaphor or sophisticated observation.

This morning, Today was talking about how the Latino community in America is the fastest growing, especially in comparison with the African American community.  They went on to discuss the potential effect on the primaries and Presidential Election.  However, what they did not do is point out how we now understand Darren McFadden’s confirmed fathering of two children to be born this summer, with, supposedly, 2 more paternity tests pending.  He wants to singlehandedly keep his community relevant in politics.  How noble.  Either that, or he is intent on breaking Travis Henry’s unofficial record of 9 kids by 9 women. 

At this rate, it will be a Gretzky v Everyone Else situation. 

Keep reading for your political/football/childbirth updates.