Depressing Weekend of Football

What a sucky weekend of football.  The kind of weekend that makes me wonder why I did not go into Interior Design, or become a Movie Critic.  Sure, The English Patient can make you cry, but nothing like a 42-3 thrashing in Autzen when your team is ranked #6 in the nation and could jump to 4 with a victory, but lays a dinosaur egg    .  But I will get to that.

Let’s go through some of the big doings first in college, with numbers equal to rankings (before the games were played):

1) Florida won, but Tebow got a concussion.  I find Urban Meyer (Urban, really, what kind of name is that?  I know, named for the Pope, but still), a little prickly, and have had my share of Tebow worship, but hope he is OK.  Concussions and subsequent vomiting is never pretty. From an SEC standpoint, give th etitle the even more prickly Lou Saban and the Crimson Tide if Tebow is out for any length of time.

2) Texas: played a cupcake

3) Alabama destroyed Arkansas

4) Ole Miss went missing versus South Carolina; overrated

5) Penn State upset for the second year in a row AT HOME by the Hawkeyes.  Kirk Ferentz keeps his job by beating JoPa.  And can I thank him for devaluing the Big 10 for all of us.  Ohio State cannot beat a USC team that loses to Washington.  Michigan is a nice story, but has to squeek one out over Indiana.  Indiana?  Was Bobby Knight back as coach?  And lastly, Daryll Clark, Penn State QB, stinks.  12-32, 1 TD and 3 INTs.  Nuff said.  Choose whoever wins the Pac-10 to crush the Big 10 in the Rose Bowl.

6) Cal (no adjective is appropriate) against Oregon 42-3.  Since the score speaks for itself.  Let me tell you a story.  During the dark years of Cal football — essentially all of the 80s and 90s (not counting the 60s and 70s as I had yet to attend), I always wondered why I did not go to a school like Florida State   (remember, this was the 90s) and then transfer to Berkeley.  Now I am thinking, why transfer from FSU since the value of a Berkeley degree, the finest Public Institution in the world, only raises expectations.  I should be a CEO, or run an Environmental Organization, instead of the mid level manager.  Had I gone to FSU  I could own two Meineke Muffler Centers and be considered a success.  Not to mention has a couple of National Titles under my belt.

7) LSU needs a goal line stand to beat Mississippi State; cannot be that good.  Nice unis though.

9 & 11) Va Tech did crush The U, but Jacory Harris and Tyrod Taylor have a long way to go to be the next Vince Young, college version of course.  They were a combined 13-34 for 248 yards, 1 TD and 1 INT.  Auuugggghhhh.  Vince and Vick (see below in the Pro section) were special.  These guys have a ways to go.

17) Houston beat Texas Tech.  Sweet.  Second victory over Big 12 team, and did it with a late TD.  Remember Coach Sumlin, who will be coaching elsewhere next year, and QB Keenum. 

18) Florida State  can almost beat Miami, almost lose to Jacksonville State, drop 54 on BYU in Provo, and then lose at home to University of South Florida, whose QB was starting his first game.  Huh?  And while I am complaining, why is the University of SOUTH Florida in Tampa, which is not exactly south?  At least FSU  is in the capital of Tallahassee.

23) Michigan needs more Forcier heroics to beat Indiana in the Big House.  Big 10 pretenders.

24) Washington back to earth after losing at Stanford.  Watch the Cardinal totally ruin my year by winning the Pac 10.  The only solace is that Harbaugh is coaching elsewhere next year. 

NR) So Notre Dame gets another gift with a last second Jimmy Clausen TD pass, and beats a crap Purdue team that was worked by Northern Illinois.  Charlie Weis signs contract extension in postgame walk down the tunnel, and Clausen is given the Walter Camp Award.  Seriously, even my biggest ND backer, Die Baum (The Bomb in German) wrote to say that his “official response is we suck big time. Charlie must go.”  Alas, Charlie will survive long enough to go 7-5 to 9-3 each year, followed by a beat down in any BCS game.

And the Pros:

• To compound the Golden Bears lost at Oregon, I had to suffer my Niners giving up a 32 yard TD Hail Mary as time almost expired against the Vikes.  And just when you thought it could not get worse, the pass was thrown by Brett Diva Favre.  I was particularly worried that ESPN would dedicate 90 minutes to Favre worship, but with five guys in the booth, it only ranked a 6 on a the kneepadscale of ten.  They admitted that Favre played only OK, and when you consider that 14 of the 24 the Vikes scored came on the aforementioned Hail Mary and a 101 yard kickoff return, residents of the Mini-Apple might want to wait before booking a Super Bowl trip.  I only hope that Favre gets crushed by the Pack next Monday night.  If there is a football God, that is what would happen.
• Does Jay Cutler have a kicker voo doo doll?  Last week, Pittsburgh kicker Josh Reed misses two chippys, and the Bears win the game.  This week, Olindo Mare cannot hit two more, and the Bears win by six.  Plus, the Seahawks needed a TD on their final drive, and it would have only been a FG if Mare could have hit the Ocean (get it, Mare – Ocean).  Cutler and the Bears suck and it will play out that way, if there is a football God.
• In Philly, the return of Michael Vick was super exciting — 0-2 passing and one rush for 7 yards.  Glad we waited two years for that.  By the way, Kevin Kolb was 24-34, 2 TDs and no INTs.  Donovan might want to worry more about him.  On the other side, $60M dollar man, Mat Cassell threw for 90 yards.
   
• And in Oakland, JaMarcus Russell was 12-21 for 61 yards.  SIXTY-ONE.  Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your Commitment to Excellence!
• And congrats to the Detroit Lions  for winning for the first time since 2007.  Motown needed that.
• Cowboys will beat Carolina, as that will just cap my weekend 😦