Spanning the Globe

The Lakers have just made a liar of Yes MSG by winning in 5, not 6.  Of course, if Jameer could play defense above the 3 pt line, or Dwight could hit free throws, I would have been correct.  Now, this game will be analyzed ad nauseumby everyone, so other than a few short points, I will move on to other topics especially since I go to Spain tomorrow to investigate the Real Madrid – Cristiano Ronaldo deal.

• OK, regardless of how 3 games really pivoted on single plays, 4-1 is 4-1.  Orlando might have stretched the series back to LA, but no way you say that if “Courtney hits the layup” or “Fish misses the 3″ and Orlando wins the title.  Nope.
• Kobe’s legacy is even more secure.  Sure, I still hold that this Lakers team would not have beaten any of the last title holders, but hey, they only get to play who they get to play; not Kobe’s fault.  And winning as the lead dog is more special.  So Kobe is now cemented as the second best shooting guard after Michael; which, is significant when you compare that with his legacy prior to this series when he was considered, oh wait, the second best shooting guard behind Michael.  Nevermind.
• Magic Johnson’s coat — am I the only one watching ESPN – what is Magic Johnson wearing.

Ok, let’s move on to other items in the hoop world:

• Staying with Hoop, supposedly the Cavs are interested in Shaq in a trade for Ben Wallace corpse, and Sasha Pavlovic, since every team needs a Slavic player who can hit at times a 3.  Or at least sport a greasy hairstyle that would make any Argentinean Soccer Player proud.
• However, how does this help the Cavs?  This is a one-year, win the title, keep Lebron Hail Mary pass.   I guess Shaq could somewhat defend Dwight Howard by himself, mainly because Dwight has no moves.  But can he defned KG and the rest of the Boston front line?  I doubt it.  This deal would end in disappointment
• Nevertheless, I would LOVE, absolutely love, a 2010 Finals between Kobe and Lebron/Shaq.  That would be EPIC.  And seeing that I have no financial interest in the Cavs, I say do the trade.
• Ricky Rubio.  For those of you unfamiliar with the most famous Spanish athlete after Rafael Nadal, Rubio is the 18 year old point guard for the Spanish National Team (that won the Silver in Beijing) and Joventut in the Spanish league.  Well, Joventut is hurting for cash, so has reportedly sold Rubio’s contract to the Spanish of the IRS so that the government gets the buy-out of Rubio’s contract, which he has to do in order to play in the NBA as the expected 2nd pick in the draft later this month.  The IRS!  And people complain about the US Government bailing out AIG and owning GM.  I would prefer they had bought the Sonics.

And non-hoop items:

• The Stanley Cup.  For those of you who missed it, Pittburgh went into Detroit and won a game 7, 2-1, when Niklas Lidstrom’s literally last second shot was blocked by the Pens Fleury to preserve the win.  Amazing game, and makes me wish I had watched more than 60 minutes of hockey this season.  Also of note, this was the first game 7 victory on the road for a team in ANY sport since the Pittsburgh (again) Pirates in 1979 against the Baltimore Orioles.  This was the first in Hockey since the Habs (Montreal) over the Chicago Blackhawks in 1971.  More impressive, Pittsburgh has played in 5 or 6 road game 7s in its history and won them all.  That is right, ALL of them.  Wow.
• Megan Fox and Carrie Prejean.  One is an ‘actress’ from the Transformer movies, who recently said that she hoped to become a good actress someday;  the other is the recently dethroned Ms. California, who claims she lost her crown because she is against Gay Marriage.  Now I am not here to make a political statement, I just want to be the first to start their race for Cinemax stardom, as I know we are all united in our hopes for that outcome.
  
• Boston Red Sox v NY Yankees — Boston has not lost in 8 games against NY this year, so not really worth mentioning.
• Beirut:  The March 14 coalition of western leading parties soundly defeated Hezbollah
• Tehran: Ahmadinejad defeats more reformist candidate Moussavi in Iranian elections, but could result in a recount, annulment, civil war.  Stay tuned.
• Real Madrid: As mentioned at the beginning of the post, I have to head to Madrid since the soccer club Real Madrid just bought the rights to Manchester United’s Cristiano Ronaldo for $131 MILLION DOLLARS.  That is the fee just to talk to Cristiano.  Sort of like the $52M posting fee Boston paid to negotiate with Dice-K.  Oh, and this was on top of the $92M that Real Madrid paid for Kaka, ex of Inter-Milan.  So that is $223M dollars just to negotiate. Heck the Yankees paid $180M to Teixeira, $160M to Sabathia, and $80M to Burnett, but that was the contractual value; the fee to negotiate was ZERO.  Euro soccer is crazy!

Hasta Luego!

Yes MSG

G(Auntie E)M

The title, for those for whom it was too subtle, speaks to the optimistic outlook for our car industry; although Fritz Henderson may need more than a pair of Red Slippers and to click the heels three times to return GM to Kansas, I mean, profitability.

Now I know that we are looking at a Game 7 in the NHL Finals (really, we are.  Trust me, Detroit v Pittsburgh.  No kidding, Friday night.) And the NBA Finals will go at least 5 games; and the Yanks still have yet to beat the Red Sox, but this GM saga is really one of the most real world fascinating events going on today, and for the next few years.

Think back a few months.  GM, and the rest, like Chrysler (will get to them later) were hemorrhaging cash by the minute.  Were they too big to fail?  Should the government jump in?  Can they avoid bankruptcy? 

And consider the options that Obama had:

1. Let GM go bankrupt on its own; put, potentially, 100s of thousands out of work
2. Attempt to save GM with an influx of cash, but take no ownership sake to ensure the Government does not try to pick winners.  (This approach was criticized by everyone from Paul Krugman to Yes MSG — he had to have a say if he were going to spend our money on a million Chevy Malibus)
3. Attempt to save GM with an influx of cash, and take an ownership sake.  (This approach is being criticized by all who point out that the government has no experience in the industry, and will have a conflict of interest.)

Now look at the above.  #3 was the only option wasn’t it?  I, in general, would not favor bailing out a company that had made poor decisions over a 30 year period, watching its market share go from around 45 to 19.  But considering the fragile state of the economy, and wanting to keep MY job, you have to adjust your principles.  A private bankruptcy was too big a risk.  #2 was not really an option either.  If we, the taxpayer, are going to invest in these companies, then we should have a say.  Heck, the government cannot be any less qualified than the average (none could be considered good) GM exec.

However, the investment has already created conflicts that make this option, albeit the best, likely to fail too.  First of all, who do you get to run the company?  Obama picked Steven Rattner, ex-NYT columnist and Private Equity magnate.  Sure he is smart, but running a car company?  However, this is the least of the worries.

The President wants GM to make small, fuel efficient cars.  Probably a good idea for many reasons, but not based on market data.  Yet that is not the worst of it.

Now Congress is weighing in.  535 men and women with no discernible expertise in anything but bloviating, all trying to save their local interest in GM.  Now that is a recipe for disaster.  Plants have to close, people will lose jobs, and it CAN happen in your district.  Sorry.  And this does not even mention the members of Congress who will defend the UAW to the potential detriment of GM’s profitability.

I am sure the HBS class of 2015 will be reading about the outcome of this experiment in Government (Forced) Nationalization.

Now before I forget, the Supreme Court has stayed the acquistion of Chrysler by Fiat due to a law suit from some pension funds.  Seems these pension funds believe that they are gettign a raw deal and could have done better. 

Um, what?

The company was going to go bankrupt; not a controlled bankruptcy with the support of the government.  You don’t think Cerberus Capital, with its brain trust that includes Ex Treasury Secretary John Snow, and Ex-VP San Quayle, and Ex-CEO Bob Nardelli, did not look for a deal to recoup their $3B or whatever investment?

Plus, how many companies are looking to buy a company that has three interesting episodes in its history:

1. Invented the Minivan (the scourge of fathers worldwide)
2. Copied the Bentley to create the under $30K version, known as the 300
3. Gave us the K-car

Gee, where do I sign!

Please, I know it is rather embarrassing when an Italian Car Company is your savior, but you have to accept reality.

Grazie!

Chicken Obama

(Before I get to today’s topic, I must admit that I read a rather depressing article.  The creator of the blog – Fake Steve Jobs – has admitted that despite the publicity and the monthly UUs (up to 1.5M), the most money he ever made on his blog was like $1000+.  So you know that with my dreams being crushed, Yes MSG will always just bring you the objective news.  I will (obviously) not be prisoner to any commercial interests.)

So Obama and the Republicans seem to be playing the most famous game of chicken since Kevin Bacon got his shoelace tangled in the tractor’s gas pedal in the movie Footloose.  The Republicans are now, after eight profilgate years, playing the party of fiscal conservatism.  Tax cuts, not spending, will get us out of this mess.

The Prez thinks differently.

Interestingly, the Republicans have decided to take on one of the most popular and anticepated presidencies in our lifetime.  Interesting strategy, for as easy as it will be to blame the “Liberals” (Reid, Pelosi), it should be easier to blame the party that never raised a fuss as “W” doubled the national debt from $4.5T to $9T.

Then again, the Republicans are like Nike when it comes to staying on message — Be Like Mike — whereas, the Democrats are more like, well, I can’t remember.

I still give Obama 5-3 odds on winning in 2010, but right behind LeBron James potential free agency, this will be the story of 2010.

Continuing with the Vegas theme, I want to give you some early College Football advice.  Since Stuart Mandel of SI, preeminent CFB writer, is on sabbatical until summer, Yes MSG is going to be THE PLACE for CFB.  So here is your first tip:

Take whatever is left of your investment funds and bet it on Florida in its game versus Tennessee this fall, and give the points.  Boy Blunder, Lane Kiffin, who flamed out, expectedly, with the Raiders, and somehow got the job at Tennessee promptly teed off Urban Meyer by accusing him of cheating during recruiting.  Sure, Lame Lane might have been speaking in jest, but angering the coach of the defending national champion with the best player in football – Tebow – returning at QB is not s-m-a-r-t.

Considering Lame also teed off Georgia, and the SEC also has coaches at Alabama (Saban), LSU (Miles) and even South Carolina (Spurrier), expect it to be a looooooong season for the Volunteers.

Also of note, this weekend had the NBA All Star Game (it also had the Daytona 500, but i refuse to watch a sport whose most famous driver — Dale Earnhardt Junior — has never won anything).  I did not bother with the game, but Kobe and Shaq shared the MVP award, which was funny since Shaq played all of 11 minutes.  But even better was Phil Jackson, afterwards, discussing the rapprochement between Shaq and Kobe as something that can be a lesson for all, even the world.  Forget the fact that they could not enjoy combined success.  Forget the fact that Kobe used Shaq as an excuse with the police for his sexual indiscretions in Colorado.  Forget that Mitch Kupchak was forced by Kobe to trade Shaq (if one had to go that made the most sense) and Shaq has always resented Kobe for it.  Forget the fact that Kobe made it clear they not pals (Kobe said that they were not going to go ‘watch Steel Magnolias together’).

Sure Phil, I imagine that Israel and Hamas will use this to find peace in the Middle East.

We were going to shoot more rockets into Ashkelon, but then we saw how Shaq and Kobe shared the ball.  Maybe a two state solution is not that bad.

Lastly, for those of you who read the Pat “Forde Yard Dash” on ESPN.com, you know that he always recommends a place for food and a beer in each college town.  Ladies and Gentlemen, Yes MSG hereby recommendsthe drinks at:

Bar Refaeli

Click now, thank me later!

Welcome to the Mini Mart

Welcome to the first edition of the Mini-Mart, where I dish up a series of spicy topics (get it? Spicy?  MSG?)

1. A-Rod is a liar.  Fine, he admitted he took steroids, “pretty” accurately between 2001 and 2003.  And he is sorry, but what he means is that “he is sorry HE GOT CAUGHT.”  Does anyone really care anymore?  Baseball had already lost its luster, and now that all the top players seems to be drug users, the only thing we can do is see if A-Rod is the first to cry in the Batter’s Box.
2. But I will admit that strippers, divorce, Madonna, PEDs – the man is on a roll.  I will leave out the joke about he obviously went off the regimen in October.  But considering the joy the steroid scandal has brought, maybe it is all worth it.

   Pettitte only doing it twice — um, sure — and not to gain an advantage but to recover from injury.  Andy, you duffus, if injuries are part of the game, and you use something illegal to recover, then that IS gaining an advantage.  McGwire not talking about the past, and dedicating his life to educating kids about steroids (from the golf course with OJ it appears); Sammy forgetting English (Tejada should have tried that), Raffi Palmeiro’s finger wag.  Raffi, what were you thinking?  Why be so adamant when you know that you had done them?  You did blame Tejada, which looks more promising, but still, you are a liar.  And finally, Barry and Roger — no comment necessary.

   I am also thankful that Congress does not think it worth it to have Rodriguez testify.

3. Ya think?  Plus, isn’t is hypocritical for Congress to investigate someone for lying, etc. when that is pretty much what they do daily.  They may call it dissembling or being economical with the truth; I call it mendacity.
4. In another instance of Pot-Kettle-Black, congress spent the day berating Wall Street execs for their huge bonuses.  I too have no idea how those at the top justify bonuses when your business essentially goes bankrupt and you have to ask your ‘dad’ for funds, but that is what I would expect from people who are in charge of paying themselves; especially bankers, who, if you read my post below, have fewer ethics and scruples than even consultants.

   Few people, and usually only a very small percentage of the Super Rich (Rich like I never have to work again, billionaire rich) would not pay themselves exorbitant amounts of money.  In fact, Bankers are a lot like, hmmm, I don’t know, what public officials also pay themselves and determine their raises?  Oh yeah, Congress.  When was the last time they voted down an amendment that raises their pay?  Fortunately for them, they don’t pay themselves bonuses based on balanced budgets.

5. Speaking of Congress, they have given Obama the shortest honeymoon since Britney got married in Vegas.  Of course, I have to apportion some blame on the President.  Dude, if you want to stimulate the economy with all the capital you had after the most awaited inauguration since Kennedy, then YOU draft a bill that is as free of pork and dumb ideas and tell Pelosi and Reid to get it passed.  And when they try to add silly clauses, and the Repubs try to cut more taxes, you can take the high ground.

   Instead, you let the Dems in Congress, who are guilty of No Oversight in the past 8 years (Barney Frank railed against all further regulation of Fannie and Freddie and cajoled them into being freer with their lending policies — thanks Barney, you twit) write a bill that the Republicans, the same Republicans who demonstrated less criticism of their own President than the Politburo or the Communist Party Congress, take the high ground, because they are now fiscally conservative and worried about our debt.

6. Isn’t this the same party that watched our national debt double from $4.5T to $9T over Bush’s 8 years?  Either they considered that good debt, making them financial hypocrites, or they put party ahead of country, making then general hypocrites
7. Maybe they will pass legislation criticizing Michael Phelps instead.  Gee, the guy gets high and now he is a pariah.  Of course, when he was getting a DUI, like Tony LaRussa, Carmelo Anthony, Charles Barkley, and half the NFL (it seems), that is ok.  Um, no it is not. If he gets baked, the only item at risk is the KitchenAid refrigerator.  Driving drunk — well go ask MADD.

   Really, it is rather confusing.  He drives drunk, and Kellogg’s has no problem.  If his sponsor wereBudweiser, maybe I would understand.  Instead, he gets stoned, and Kellogg’s drops him.  Ironic.  If more kids emulated that behavior, Kellogg’s sales would increase.  Who wouldn’t reach for the Frosted Flakes after some ‘grass’?

8. Maybe Kellogg’s was too busy lobbying Congress (wow, they get into every story) about how Frosted Flakes and their other Corn-based products should be considered a vegetable.  Forget the childhood obesity and totally unforgiveable increase in diabetes that we are seeing.

Sorry for the heavy ending to the first Mini Mart, but Frosted Flakes and Mini Mart seemed to be the right time.  But never fear, I will be back soon with a review of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue, and see how it compares to the most famous of all time — Paulina Porizkova on the cover back in 1983.

Nadya Suleman

Perhaps my readers may not recognize the title of this post.  If so, good for you, as it means you are more focused on the bi-partisanship going on in Washington, wondering how Santonio kept his feet in bounds, or are spending more time with your family.  That is why Yes MSG is here.  To keep you informed.  You see, while the world is focused on financial mismanagement by Wall Street, TARP funds, and our government’s inability to do what is best for anyone but their loser selves, a far more egregious use of your tax dollars — if you are a California resident — is about to take place.

No, I don’t mean helping the Governator get out of the Multi-$B debt of the Golden State; I mean paying to take care of Ms. (yes, Ms.) Suleman’s 14 children.  Not a typo.

Ms. Suleman, single mother of 6, decided to go in for treatment to achieve Lucky 7, and ended up with octuplets.  My rant will go on, but let me get to the facts:

1. Ms. Suleman is single
2. Ms. Suleman is 33 years of age
3. Ms. Suleman was married from 1996-2000 (actual divorce in 2008, but separated for years)
4. Ms. Suleman felt her childhood was dysfunctional as she was an only child and was lonely
5. Ms. Suleman used to work (not, ironically, reside) in a Mental Hospital, but was injured in an accident and received $165K in disability
6. Ms. Suleman appears to have a degree but is currently in school (i.e. not employed) while she pursues (between preganancies) a Master’s Degree
7. Ms. Suleman stated that all she ever wanted was ‘to be a mother.’
8. Ms. Suleman sought in vitro to achieve her dream since, supposedly, the injuries suffered mentioned above, prevented her from getting pregnant
9. Ms. Suleman disproved her own theory (#7) by becoming pregnant through in vitro often enough to have six kids between the ages of 2 & 7 (not sure if there are twins in there)
10. Ms. Suleman never considered that her lack of success in getting pregnant was lack of spouse not her injuries (you bimbo)
11. Ms. Suleman was not satisfied with 6 kids as a single parent, so she went for 7; however, she implanted 6 eggs, and with two sets of twins (understandable since her ovaries had been over stimulated for like 8 years), ended up with 8 kids
12. Ms. Suleman used the same fertility doctor, who was obviously unconcerned with ethics and was all to happy to take her disability funds
13. Ms. Suleman used the same donor, a friend (not her husband), who is either clueless or freaked that he now has 14 kids

Let me pause here as 13 seems like an appropriate number of points to make.

Now I know what you are thinking.  Gee, a single mother with no job and 14 kids is not going to end well, even if the State of California pays for the majority of care (last I checked, Cal state funds don’t necessarily cover private school, university, etc.).  But Ms. Suleman wants to put your mind at rest.  In her interview with Ann Curry of Today Show, she said:

• She loves her kids with all her heart
• She will stop her life for her kids
• (Conversely) She is certain she will be able to provide for them when she finishes school
• She will “be there for them; be present for them” (um, don’t you have to get a job?)
• She already hold all 8 of them at least 45 minutes a day each (ok, that is 6 hours total and does not include the other 6 kids, plus a job, laundry, work, sleep, feeding — do that math Bimbo!)
• She feels that she is being unfairly persecuted because she is a single mother, not a traditional couple (Note to Ditz: if you were the single mom of 1 or 2, no one would say anything; having 6, then trying for 7, then keeping 8 are your 3 BIG errors and we would say the same for any family — even Ms. Jolie — see below — mother of six, were she continue to add to her brood)
• She is not trying to emulate Angelina Jolie (you be the judge; but either way, Ms. Jolie has about 50 million more reasons to at least be able to financially provide for her clan)

So there you go.  Despicable.

I am not sure what is worse –

Having to pay Wall Street idiots (and that is how I refer to those responsible for tanking the economy to line their own pockets with what they knew were overly risky behaviors), in order to save main street idiots (and that is how I refer to those who made no money but took on huge mortgages), and to save the rest of the country who is suffering but has no blame in this mess

Or

Having to pay Ms. Suleman, for the upkeep and care of her litter, in order to ensure that her 14 kids, who have no blame in this, have a reasonable chance at a normal life free of poverty, etc.

Needless to say, Ms. Suleman’s choice has a huge societal impact, and that is unfair to all of us.

Super Bowl Pick

Before I get to my long awaited pick, I have to vent, for cathartic reasons.  Not that I am going to say anything that the rest of us have not thought, and that every columnist has not already written, but WHY AM I PUTTING MY TAX DOLLARS TOWARD $35K TOILETS?

What is with these bozos that had to go hat in hand to the government and ask for BILLIONS, and then they go spend the money on $50M jets, $40K chairs and $35K antique commodes.  Not to mention Billions in bonuses to keep their ‘best’ people.  Um, weren’t these the Best and the Brightest that resulted in $15B loss at Merrill, and a request for TARP funds?  Seriously, was Robert McNamara running the place?

But hey, I understand.  The world is in economic meltdown, Wall Street is shedding jobs by the thousands, but you need to keep your best people as these guys might have left and gone….WHERE?  This would be the same as GM paying bonuses for fear their “Brightest” go to Chrysler.  C’mon.

And what pains me more, as I expect Wall Street Bankers to be tone deaf (see below), is the already tremendous LACK of oversight of Congress.  Not that this should be a surprise, but did they ask for oversight and/or audit rights?  You think Goldman Sachs was going to pay huge bonuses without Buffett’s approval, since he gave them $5B LARGE!  Congress is full of lawyers — aren’t they supposed to be trained negotiators?  No wonder Ahmadinejad and Bin Laden run circles around us.

My favorite part is how they are going to investigate if TARP funds were used to pay the bonuses.  Listen Reid/Pelosi/ Geithner, if I give a crack addict $100, then someone else gives him $100, it does not really matter whether he used “my” money to buy crack; I enabled it.

And in another ironic twist, my Rock Center correspondent pointed out to me that the loans given to Pfizer to buy Wyeth for $70B will result in the combined company shedding 20k jobs.  Well, I am really happy about that use of my tax funds as well.

Returning to my Banker behavior comment above: I went to a reasonable business school, when Consulting and Banking were hot (and when anyone who went to Yahoo because they could not get a ‘real’ job ended up 100x as rich as us).  The rationale for going into consulting was always a combination of:

1. I don’t know what I want to do
2. I like the idea of helping companies
3. The pay is not bad

We at least gave lip service to #2.  Conversely, the Investment Banker argument usually went like this:

1. I will make a f*ing ton of money

Not once do I remember hearing that “providing access to funds to streamline our capitalist engine, and get small companies off the ground, and large companies to scale so that they could compete on a global level” as a rationale.  As a guideline, not a rule, they were usually the more shallow and avaricious members of the class — like the High School Football QB that needed to stay popular.

So that is why I can see them buying ridiculously priced curtain rods.  But that brings to mind another question: Who thinks of creating this stuff?  Really, you are Kohler, or American Standard, or some bizarro SoHo artesan, and you think that what the world needs is a $35K toilet?

Hey, as we get richer, I can see our tastes changing — buy a $5K watch, a $250K car, a $5M plane.  Even a $6K handbag maybe.  While I am not certain I could ever have enough money to feel that the above was worth the price — except for the Aston Martin DB9 — I can understand how others would.  But how warped are you to need a $35K toilet?  Does Thain do that much reading?

I am sickened, but not surprised, that he would spend his (firm’s) money on these things, but I am more disturbed that these products even exist.  That, my friends, is my, it is hoped, unique take!

Now the Cards have proven us all wrong all along, but the Steelers seem more balanced.  Arizona scores 4 times, but it is 3 FGs; whereas, Pitt finds the end zone 3 times and adds a FG –

Steelers 24

Arizona 16

WTH BHO

People talk about Obama not being able to meet the outsized expectations.  I tend to agree.  I woke up this morning and:

1. My mortgage was not paid off
2. Detroit was still making ugly, crap, gas guzzling cars
3. The sun was not shining and powering the grid (OK, maybe more a factor of Seattle, but still…)
4. Troops are still in Afghanistan and Iraq
5. No peace in the Middle East
6. Merrill Lynch was still part of BofA
7. The Cardinals were still in the Super Bowl

Yet, BHO and Michelle had time to go to TEN (10) parties last night.

C’mon Barry, get to work!

Day One of the BHO Era

I realize this is supposed to be a Sports blog, mainly, but when Dave Winfield is a guest on MSNBC, and is being asked about Economic and Foreign policy, I feel qualified to comment on our new President.

I admit to being pretty moved by the occasion.  Historic.  I was actually more moved when I first saw Michelle come out for one of the Balls, and thought: “Wow, that is the First Lady!”  Unlike any emotion I have ever had, but admittedly, the main competition has been Laura, Hillary, George Washington (Barbara Bush) and Nancy Reagan — whose head size alone caused me to lose sleep as a child — none of whom engendered much awe.

But, unfortunately, this new administration is already causing problems in the Yes MSG household.  My son now thinks that he cannot grow up to be President as you have to be either African American or a Woman to be elected.  He fully expect Pinup Palin in 2012 or 2016.  Poor kid.  How do I explain to him that he can still be whatever he wants?

This was on the heels of him realizing that Jews are not numerous in the NBA or NFL.  So sad that there are few role models for him to look up to.

I tried to explain that he could still be a doctor, lawyer, sports team owner, journalist, hollywood agent, banker, an Elder of Zion.  Let’s hope the message resonates.

Back to live inaugural footage!

From Sick Bay

Yes MSG has started the New Year with the Flu, which has its obvious downside, but also its benefits.  One benefit is that I can catch a lot of random during the day TV to keep my readership updated.  Now daytime TV can be a challenge.  YOu have your SportsCenter, First Take, MSNBC, Today Show (not the third hour), then later in the day you get Rome is Burning (Rome was obviously the victim of bullies as a child), PTI, more SportsCenter and then the athletic event of the night — Bowl Games, Basketball, etc.

The main challenge is what I call the Ellen-gap.  At 11am you start with the abominable Ellen Degeneres show, so you either have to nap, run an errand, or rely on Podcasts.  Fortunately Simmons now podcasts more than he writes.

So some late goings on:

1) Cowboys release Pac Man Jones.  This is not a surprise.  Guy averaged <5 yards per punt return, fumbled against the Eagles and also got called for an unnecessary roughness penalty.  Oh, and he missed 6 games due to suspension for fighting with his own bodyguard.

The great part is that Pac Man was ’surprised’ he was released, and his agent does not think the suspension played a role in the release.  I am sure his crappy play was paramount, but the suspension did not exactly help.  And of course, this does not consider the fact that Pac Man allegedly paid someone to shoot at two guys with which he had an altercation.

Ahh Pac Man, you probably have now given away almost $30M in projected career earnings.  No biggie, you can earn that elsewhere.  See you in stripes, as this will not end well.  But I don’t think even the Raiders would sign you at this point.

2) Roland Burris.  Since Mr. Burris is about to become the only African-American member of the Senate, as Governor Hair (Blagojevich) seems to have outmaneuvered the Senate and the Prez-elect, I thought you should know some facts about him courtesy of Wikipedia and my ‘colleague’ at the NY Times, Gail Collins.

Mr Burris has a degree in Poly Sci from Southern Illinois University Carbondale

He also has a law degree from Howard University

He has TWO honorary law degrees: From National Louis University, and from Tougaloo College (Eric Holder better watch out)

But more impressively, Mr. Burris has reportedly constructed a mausoleum.  From Ms. Collins

On the negative side, you might want to include the fact that Burris has already constructed a mausoleum for himself that is topped by Illinois’s state seal and the legend “Trail Blazer.” Those are followed by a list of his historic firsts, ranging from the impressive (first African-American elected to a statewide office in Illinois) to some stuff you would really try to refrain from bragging about except at parties in which there had been a great deal of drinking (first African-American exchange student from Southern Illinois University to Hamburg). There also is a sidebar granite slab for “Other Major Accomplishments.”

Personally, I think it less suprising that a student at SIU-Carbondale (African American or Caucasian) would want to go to Hamburg.  In fact, back then many American college students wanted to go to the home of the Hamburger.  At least those students who did not have their hopes on Oscary Meyer U in Frankfurt!

3) Speaking of the Dems — wow, game has not even started and they look like they cannot script their first plays and they are likely to have 12 men on the field. Harry Reid is the verbal solution to insomnia.  Ohmigosh, how did they elect such a frumpy toad.  Talk about uninspiring.  I am not fan of the Pelosi flash either, but at least she dresses nice.

When the Dems start their press conference on seating Mr. Burris with the quote: “The first thing Mr. Burris said is that he does NOT consider this a racial matter.”  I mean, these white guys are running scared.  Who thought it was racial?  Blago is in these guys’ heads.

4) Lastly, Prez-elect Obama talked of the need for fiscal stimulus to get teh economy back on track.  In rebuttal, the Minority leaders of the House and Senate talked of the need to be fiscally prudent and spend correctly, and not have too large a deficit.  I agree with the sentiment, but c’mon.  Your own “small government, fiscally responsible” party was responsible for doubling the national debt from 5 to 10 trillion in the last 8 years.  That is right, 224 years to get to $5T in deficit, and 8 years for an added 5.

Now the Repubs are standing on principle.  Um, little late Bozos.

Enjoy the BCS Title Game tonight!

Men Behaving Badly

The title and the sports-bias prevalent in Yes MSG would lead you to believe that I am to speak about:

1) Plaxico Burress — he of the bling-showing, sweatpants-wearing, Glock-carrying fame. Or

2) PacMan Jones — who is lucky that Commish Goodell did not think that a drunken fight with your bodyguard warranted season-long suspension.  Or

3) Stephon Marbury — self-proclaimed best point guard in the NBA despite never having won a playoff series in a 12 year career (but did earn $120M give or take)

But no; to some extent, we expect that type of behavior from our athletes.  After all, these guys most likely have always been popular, the most athletically gifted kids in the class, and have been enabled by those around them.  Which, instead, brings me to the perfecta of execs, who, if you presumably substitute “intellectually-gifted” for “athletically-gifted,” you end up with the 3 following beggars and their bogeyman:

Let me introduce:

1. GM’s Rick (Off the) Wagoner
2. Ford’s Alan (Mulligan) Mullaly
3. Chrysler’s Bob Nards-delli
4. UAW’s Ron Butterfinger (ok, Gettelfinger, but he should have changed his name as Gettelfinger is horrible)

These four and a bunch of others, have conspired to destroy billions in shareholder value, as well as burden the US-HQ’d auto industry with a cost disadvantage of approximately $2,000 per vehicle.  Considering the history of the Big Three, I am not certain I want to pay, say, 5% more just for it to be American-made.  And while we are on the topic of ‘buying American” consider if you will that Honda, Toyota, Mercedes and BMW all manufacture quality, elegant, desirable automobiles in the USA.  The issue is not the factory worker, it’s the bozo leadership.

Toyota and Nissan also survive (unlike Mercedes and BMW) on mass market automobiles, and last I checked they had not asked the governments of interest — Japan and France (Nissan owns Renault) for handouts, and we know the French love to give money to crap companies.  Come to think of it, maybe the Big 3 should all claim they are farming companies and Sarkozy will send some Euros their way.

Yet, while GM and others have lost 90+% of their value, Off the Wagoner has reportedly earned $100+M since 2000.  What kind of bonus package was that?  It is like giving A-Rod more millions for hitting above 0.150.  Mulligan, as that is what he should take on his Ford leadership, got like $20M last year.  And Nards, former GE protege of Jack, was once paid $200M to leave Home Depot.  How the heck he got another job is beyond me, unless you adhere to the Major League Baseball history of just hiring the nearest White Guy Retread (OK, worked with Charlie Manuel, but not so many others).

Now let’s add in Butterfinger, which pains me as it is my favorite Candy Bar, who has to have earned millions as head of something as large as the UAW.  One could probably consider him the second most powerful union boss in the world perhaps, right behind Lula Inacio da Silva, who parlayed a similar job into the Presidency of Brazil.  Now I know that the Union boss’s job is to negotiate the best package possible for his members, but part of the equation should be the actual survival of the industry you are in.  $60 per hour and healthcare is not worth quite as much if the company fails.  D’Oh.

So where does this leave us?  Well, these 4-in-a-box toolset, who all recently got $25B to assist with building fuel efficient vehicles, and who have already asked for extensions to meet the standards, are now asking for $34B.  The funny thing is that they came to DC two weeks ago asking for $25B.  However, having flown in three corporate jets, yet with no business plan, they are returning this week in hybrid cars and with business plans in presumably target recyclable carrying cases, but asking for an additional $9B.  How does that work?

(Speaking of corporate jets, here is a quick note – I am writing this in Coach on Continental Airlines at 35,000 feet where they are now playing the Mary Tyler Moore show.  Huh?  Low royalties?  This show was on before most passengers were born.  And to compound matters, the woman next to me, who reeks of cigarette smoke and feels very ill, is asking for Sprite and Apple Juice, and just SPIKED her soda with Vodka — Good Times!  Where is my corporate jet?)

These Bozos went back to Dearborn, actually did a biz plan, and said, “wait, we don’t need $25B, that was just back of envelope.  Now that we are using Excel, we need $34B.” Regardless, they now have a business plan, but this brings to mind another few concerns:

• Yes MSG is a great fan of “Recovery Plans.”  Effectively, what you are saying is that there are all these things we can do to be successful, and we were going to do NONE OF THEM.  However, now that times are tough and expectations are not being met, like company survival, here are all the cool things we can do.  Should the Big Three and Mr. Candy Bar have thought of this before?
• Yes MSG is also a fan of accuracy, not precision.  I am sure that the Business Plan is very precise, right down to the day and dollar when Detroit returns to the black.  However, the accuracy of that number and date might as well have been provided by a monkey with a calculator and a calendar.  Perhaps it was.  I have some faith that the cost items could be achieved, however, the $34B question is why should I believe that after three decades of the K-car, the Mercury Marquis and anything Oldsmobile, that these guys will design anything that ANYONE WANTS TO BUY?  The revenue line gives me pause, and while precise, I am equally certain, totally inaccurate.
• Yes MSG is also a fan of fables, and this seems to be “Boys who Cried Wolf.”  These three have been bleeding market share for decades, with no discernible urgency.  Yet now I am supposed to believe that the economic crisis, which started in September, is why they are on the verge of bankruptcy.  Save me the “perfect storm” argument.  Sure, sales will be way down in Q4, which has not even ended, but that is the fine line between survival and failure?  If these businesses are so susceptible to a single down quarter, then I think I can find another place to spend $34B
• Yes MSG is also a fan of expertise.  I already have questioned the expertise of these execs, who have failed during their tenures, doing a business plan for companies that have 30 years of poor performance, but lovely executive dining rooms I hear; but to compound matters, these plans are going to be evaluated by Barney Frank?  Christopher Dodd?  Members of Congress?  People whose expertise is at best law, and at worst, a$$-kissing.

Shouldn’t these plans be evaluated by seasoned professionals?  I don’t know, hmmm, perhaps people from the business community who have a specialty in evaluating business plans?  Maybe a combination of Private Equity firms, Venture Capitalists and Business School professors?  Heck, I would even be satisfied with my local 7-11 franchisee, who knows profit and loss, and gets NO bailout when the local construction crew’s site is closed down and they stop buying taquitos at 7am.  Or even outsource it to India, like everything else, as there is absolutely no shortage of brilliant MBAs there who would evaluate the plans objectively.

Now my loyal reader P-Dub has reminded me that Chrysler is already owned by a Private Equity firm, Cerberus Capital (cannot check as in the air).  So perhaps we should say an elite Private Equity firm, like KKR or Thomas H Lee.  For VC, Kleiner or Sequoia; not one of the valley one hit wonders.  Of course, the realization that Chrysler is owned by a Private Equity firm leads me to the following recommendation:

1) Chrysler: as a prize for needing government intervention twice in a generation, and for having been bought by, supposedly, shrewd investors, you get to go bankrupt.  No reason my tax dollars should give Nards or Cerberus ANY of my money.  Plus, everyone says that bankruptcy would be the death knell for the company.  Hey, I am a trained scientist, we have three candidates, let’s find out.

2) Ford: since you are the solvent one for the time being, you get your line of credit.  Personally, I would like you to go out of business just so that you have to sell the Detroit Lions and put us out of our Thanksgiving Day game misery, but that would be unfair, maybe.

3) GM: not sure what to do here.  Maybe you get the funds, to complete the trifecta — one failure, one line of credit to be accessed if needed, and one investment.  Seems fair.

Actually, I would prefer to force a merger of the three or a takeover by Nissan or Toyota, but that would be more challenging.

Now I know what you are all thinking?  What about the workers?  You, Yes MSG, admitted they are just as productive as their Asian-employed counterparts.  Perhaps, since we just saved BILLIONS by letting Chrysler go under and not investing (yet) in Ford, we use the excess monies to retrain workers.  That would be more effective and would help the little guy, not the boardroom.  My own back of the envelope calculation says that we could have $5-10,000 per worker.  That, my friends, is a lot or schooling.

Cool — 2 hour flight from Houston (George Bush Intercontinental Airport, which should be renamed George Herbert Walker Bush Intercontinental, just to avoid, you know, confusion) to Fort Lauderdale and Yes MSG, with a great assist from P-Dub and my Midwest correspondent, Jad-wurst, have solved the auto crisis.

Someone forward this to W and Obama.