Real Madrid

Yes MSG went all the way to Madrid, as stated in my last post, to investigate the transfer of Cristiano Ronaldo from ManU to Real Madrid, for $131M.  However, I had to do this on the back of a business trip.  Unfortunately, in the 80 hours I was gone, I spent 40 of them traveling and 40 “in” Madrid.  I write “in” because for some reason technology companies love to be outside major cities in non-descript business parks away from anything interesting, including the Bernabeu.  So I was unable to see how Madrid was justifying the transfer, although I did read in the local paper that the Club had taken out $300M in loans, such as charging 150 Euros for a Jersey.

However, not to let my readers down, I can at least provide some entertaining travel notes, and a couple good sports at the end.  So here goes:

• Baggage Claim: What is it with baggage claim at airports?  Worldwide, people love to crowd right up to the conveyor with their carts.  Um, how is this efficient?  This means that no one else can approach and get their bag without fighting the masses.  And for the morons waiting, undoubtedly they are so close with the carts because they overpacked, so that when the bag comes, they can barely lift it.  Subsequently, they cannot even leave the area because all of their like minded lemmings have blocked all exit routes.  Einsteins, wouldn’t it be more efficient if everyone waited about a meter or so away from the conveyor and then collected their bag when it appeared?  Yes, I think so.  Man this pi$$es me off.
• Belts and Shoes: Why in the USA do we have to remove shoes, but in Europe we have to remove our belts?  Seriously, shouldn’t it be both or neither?  Now I don’t know if I should ensure that my socks are clean and without holes or that my pants actually fit.  Having recently lost about 4kg, I was afraid I was going to look like a gangbanger when passing through security in Madrid.  Fortunately, I was not wearing my European thong underwear.
• Airline Rows: Am I missing something?  I was on a 737 — you know, one aisle, 3 seats a side — from Madrid to Amsterdam when 3, THREE, people asked the flight attendant where row 25 (or similar) was.  Really?  Um, there is a single aisle, and the numbers are ascending, not random.  I half expected the flight attendant to say “go to row 17, turn left, open the (emergency) exit.”  Or, “where the heck do you think it is?  We have a single aisle in this plane.  What was I thinking when I decided to pursue a career that resulted in cheap travel.  Shoot me now!”

Norman Mailer recently died, and Mark Kriegel wrote an excellent article.  Here is my favorite part of the article as it shows what a great writer he was and this was boxing, not even his ’specialty.’

Then there was this, also from The Presidential Papers, about the death of Benny “Kid” Paret at the hands of Emile Griffith in Madison Square Garden: “He hit him eighteen right hands in a row, an act that took perhaps three or four seconds, Griffith making a pent-up whimpering sound all the while he attacked, the right hand whipping like a piston rod which has broken out of the crankcase, or like a baseball bat demolishing a pumpkin. I was sitting in the second row of that corner — they were not ten feet away from me — and like everyone else, I was hypnotized…

And with father day upon us, DJ Gallo provides some excellent advice for all of us with sons and daughters. The article is here, but allow me to provide a sample.

Front-running = grounded. No one likes a front-runner. No one. But how does a person become a front-runner? It’s simple. Bad parenting. Their parents let them get away with it once thinking it was a passing, childish dalliance. But soon enough, their children were switching allegiances with every trophy ceremony. If you give an inch on this as a parent, you’ll soon have a child who roots for the Lakers, Penguins, Phillies, Steelers, North Carolina and Florida; you’ll soon have a child who will grow up to be a … I can’t say the word, but the second syllable rhymes with “bag.” In fact, the second syllable is “bag.” Be open with your child when it comes to front-running. Tell them you understand the allure. And use your own life as an example. “You think there weren’t better options out there than your mother at times? That I could have gotten with hotter women — you know, had they been drunk enough? But I stayed loyal. And it resulted in your birth. So by liking the Lakers, you are essentially killing yourself. Think about it.”

Happy Father’s Day, and if you are travelling, please give everyone some space at the Baggage Claim.

Spanning the Globe

The Lakers have just made a liar of Yes MSG by winning in 5, not 6.  Of course, if Jameer could play defense above the 3 pt line, or Dwight could hit free throws, I would have been correct.  Now, this game will be analyzed ad nauseumby everyone, so other than a few short points, I will move on to other topics especially since I go to Spain tomorrow to investigate the Real Madrid – Cristiano Ronaldo deal.

• OK, regardless of how 3 games really pivoted on single plays, 4-1 is 4-1.  Orlando might have stretched the series back to LA, but no way you say that if “Courtney hits the layup” or “Fish misses the 3″ and Orlando wins the title.  Nope.
• Kobe’s legacy is even more secure.  Sure, I still hold that this Lakers team would not have beaten any of the last title holders, but hey, they only get to play who they get to play; not Kobe’s fault.  And winning as the lead dog is more special.  So Kobe is now cemented as the second best shooting guard after Michael; which, is significant when you compare that with his legacy prior to this series when he was considered, oh wait, the second best shooting guard behind Michael.  Nevermind.
• Magic Johnson’s coat — am I the only one watching ESPN – what is Magic Johnson wearing.

Ok, let’s move on to other items in the hoop world:

• Staying with Hoop, supposedly the Cavs are interested in Shaq in a trade for Ben Wallace corpse, and Sasha Pavlovic, since every team needs a Slavic player who can hit at times a 3.  Or at least sport a greasy hairstyle that would make any Argentinean Soccer Player proud.
• However, how does this help the Cavs?  This is a one-year, win the title, keep Lebron Hail Mary pass.   I guess Shaq could somewhat defend Dwight Howard by himself, mainly because Dwight has no moves.  But can he defned KG and the rest of the Boston front line?  I doubt it.  This deal would end in disappointment
• Nevertheless, I would LOVE, absolutely love, a 2010 Finals between Kobe and Lebron/Shaq.  That would be EPIC.  And seeing that I have no financial interest in the Cavs, I say do the trade.
• Ricky Rubio.  For those of you unfamiliar with the most famous Spanish athlete after Rafael Nadal, Rubio is the 18 year old point guard for the Spanish National Team (that won the Silver in Beijing) and Joventut in the Spanish league.  Well, Joventut is hurting for cash, so has reportedly sold Rubio’s contract to the Spanish of the IRS so that the government gets the buy-out of Rubio’s contract, which he has to do in order to play in the NBA as the expected 2nd pick in the draft later this month.  The IRS!  And people complain about the US Government bailing out AIG and owning GM.  I would prefer they had bought the Sonics.

And non-hoop items:

• The Stanley Cup.  For those of you who missed it, Pittburgh went into Detroit and won a game 7, 2-1, when Niklas Lidstrom’s literally last second shot was blocked by the Pens Fleury to preserve the win.  Amazing game, and makes me wish I had watched more than 60 minutes of hockey this season.  Also of note, this was the first game 7 victory on the road for a team in ANY sport since the Pittsburgh (again) Pirates in 1979 against the Baltimore Orioles.  This was the first in Hockey since the Habs (Montreal) over the Chicago Blackhawks in 1971.  More impressive, Pittsburgh has played in 5 or 6 road game 7s in its history and won them all.  That is right, ALL of them.  Wow.
• Megan Fox and Carrie Prejean.  One is an ‘actress’ from the Transformer movies, who recently said that she hoped to become a good actress someday;  the other is the recently dethroned Ms. California, who claims she lost her crown because she is against Gay Marriage.  Now I am not here to make a political statement, I just want to be the first to start their race for Cinemax stardom, as I know we are all united in our hopes for that outcome.
  
• Boston Red Sox v NY Yankees — Boston has not lost in 8 games against NY this year, so not really worth mentioning.
• Beirut:  The March 14 coalition of western leading parties soundly defeated Hezbollah
• Tehran: Ahmadinejad defeats more reformist candidate Moussavi in Iranian elections, but could result in a recount, annulment, civil war.  Stay tuned.
• Real Madrid: As mentioned at the beginning of the post, I have to head to Madrid since the soccer club Real Madrid just bought the rights to Manchester United’s Cristiano Ronaldo for $131 MILLION DOLLARS.  That is the fee just to talk to Cristiano.  Sort of like the $52M posting fee Boston paid to negotiate with Dice-K.  Oh, and this was on top of the $92M that Real Madrid paid for Kaka, ex of Inter-Milan.  So that is $223M dollars just to negotiate. Heck the Yankees paid $180M to Teixeira, $160M to Sabathia, and $80M to Burnett, but that was the contractual value; the fee to negotiate was ZERO.  Euro soccer is crazy!

Hasta Luego!

Yes MSG

Dammit Jim, I am a Blogger not a Movie Critic

Yes MSG normally sticks to what he ostensibly knows.  And The Arts are not included.  However, I have decided to critique what was an enjoyable evening watching the new Star Trek last night.  SPOILER ALERT — I will ruin some of the plot, so if you are a Trekkie, well, then, you would have already seen it.

I liked it; not great but very good, entertaining, and eminently forgettable.  But hey, you want to kill 2 hours, 6 minutes, watching Zoe Saldana is not a bad way to spend it.  Now if JJ Abrams has any sense, Uhura gains skills beyond intergalactic linguistics, and learns to fight off Romulans in skimpy clothing.

So the movie seemed to be a combination of a bunch of films we have seen before:

• Kirk loses his dad, who ‘did it right’ and that is what drives him: Maverick in Top Gun; Luke Skywalker in Star Wars
• Spock, it turns out, has rather impressive, and previously unknown, fighting skills: Jason Bourne in The Bourne Identity
• Spock meets his future self but in the present: JCVD in Space Cop
• Planet Vulcan implodes: Star Wars
• Bunch of Rookies get to crew the LATEST ADDITION TO STARFLEET, the Enterprise: Um, no film.  Having Kirk go from suspension to Captain, and them finding Scotty on some deserted island and putting him in control of the engine room, was really unprecedented, and not for a good reason
• Pike is in control of the Enterprise, no Spock is, no, Kirk is: Denzel and Gene in Crimson Tide
• Kirk saves Sulu by jumping after him and the two of them attempting to hang tight with only a single parachute: Keanu and Patrick in Point Break

I AM SERIOUS NOW: SPOILER ALERT

• Spock and Uhuru have a relationship: Sidney Poitier and Katharine Houghton in Guess Whose Coming to Dinner
• Kirk has relationships with women who are blue, green, orange, whatever: Sidney Poitier and Katharine Houghton in Guess Who is Coming to Dinner

I liked most of the movies referenced, and if you did too, you will like Star Trek.

Investigative Journalism

(Bonus Banker Bailout link at the bottom that you don’t want to miss)

So a perplexing marriage took place.  Marko Jaric, a backup on the Minnesota Timberwolves

Married Adriana Lima, Super Model from Brazil

Sure, Marko is in the NBA, and makes $6.6M a year, but shouldn’t she have married an All-Star?  I figure a top “super” as they are known in Brazil marries/dates the NBA version of Tom Brady (like Gisele), not a scrub on a crappy team.

So Yes MSG is heading to Brazil to determine exactly how this match took place. 

Regardless, though, kudos to Marko for being an All-Star in another way, definitely playing out of his league — TWICE!

__________________________________________________________________________________________________

Now on to the Banker Blog.  Seems some poor ladies whose boyfriends/husbands have been adversely affected by the Wall Street collapse, don’t know what to do now that they don’t get their own bailout funds to lunch at Nobu and buy Jimmy Choo shoes. 

Read their heartbreaking stories here, but to whet your appetite, here is the intro from their site.

Dating A Banker Anonymous

Are you or someone you love dating a banker? If so, we are here to support you through these difficult times. Dating A Banker Anonymous (DABA) is a safe place where women can come together – free from the scrutiny of feminists– and share their tearful tales of how the mortgage meltdown has affected their relationships. DABA Girls was started by two best friends whose relationships tanked with the economy. Not knowing what else to do, we did what frustrated but articulate girls have done since the beginning of time – we started a blog. So if your monthly Bergdorf’s allowance has been halved and bottle service has all but disappeared from your life, lighten your heart with laughter and email your stories to dabagirls@gmail.com. Warning all stories sent will be infused with our own special brand of DABA Girl humor.

Jewish Supermodels

So we all know that one of the shortest books, pamphlet really, (n)ever written, is Famous Jewish Athletes.  However, while getting my coffee at 7-11, I gave a cursory glance to the most recent Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition.  To my surprise, it turns out that two of this year’s models, including the cover model, are nice Jewish girls from Israel.  Now Yes MSG has attended Temple, had a Bar Mitzvah, yet he can unequivocally attest to the fact that these two were not, unfortunatley, remotely representative of the “hotties” at Rodef Shalom.

If you had asked me 20 years ago which was most likely: Two Jewish Supermodels in the same issue of SI, or two starting NFL QBs from Brandeis University?  Well, the Yes MSG empire may have needed a bailout a la De-Twa (Detroit in French pronunciation).

However, I am incredibly pleased that my favorite drinking hole, Bar Refaeli, is gaining popularity outside of the beaches of Tel Aviv and the apartment of Leonardo DiCaprio.

And here is Esti Ginsburg, who should be the pinup girl at every Yeshiva.

Finally, Milka Duno.  Why do I include her?  Well, mainly because she was the first discovery of Yes MSG.  And considering that SI actually has included the less than average Danica Patrick in its most recent issue, I do this as a service (and as a bonus, I am NOT including any pictures of Danica.

Oh, and the last time that I included Milka in my blog, it got more hits than any other page, including, unbelievably, my soliloquy on the Government’s financial bailout.

OK, Yes MSG is off to the (cold) shower.

The Essence of Taste (redux)

We all anxiously await the Texas Tech v Oklahoma game tomorrow.  I would break it down for you, but I am sure that Big12 Correspondent GeneB wants to do that considering he is an OU alum.  Either way, should be an 80 point affair.

With that on mind, let’s go on to some other items:

1) More Madonna.  Guy Ritchie is not going to take Madonna for half.  At least, that is the report on their divorce.  Madonna has a fortune worth reportedly $500M, which makes total sense.  However, Ritchie is presumed to be worth $50M.

What the heck?  Guy has made like three successful films, that were identical — Lock Stock (1998), Snatch (2000) and RocknRolla (2008), but with different titles, and is woth $50M.  CraigBe, please explain.

2) The Auto Industry.  I believe all my readers know how I feel about giving billions (additional, as Detroit, do not forget, has already received $25B for plant modification and the ability to meet fuel standards by 2020 (which they are already asking for relief on)).  These bozos leading the companies and the unions have not created an auto anyone wants in like 30 years.  Yet we are supposed to bail them out?  How about a bankruptcy and restructuring?

Anyway, I was debating how it is difficult to let so many jobs go but at the same time how I don’t want to throw bad money after bad.  So I thought, why not let Detroit have the money, if, IF, IF, we allow Warren Buffett to negotiate the terms?  Makes more sense than Congress, who would attach such conditions as “please let us know when you can how you will lose the funds.”

Warren gave $5B under superstrict terms to Goldman Sachs, and that should be the model.

Coincidentally, I caught Magic Johnson on Morning Joe this morning and since he is from Lansing (Dad was an auto worker) and he is a super successful entrepreneur (far more successful than MJ as Magic has expanded to real businesses, not just expanding the Nike empire), and he discussed eloquently how he would disburse the money.  Look, Magic cannot seem to put a sentence together on TNT NBA broadcasts, but after this morning’s performance, I prefer he distributes any extra monies to Detroit versus Paulson, Frank, Pelosi, or Reid. 

Oh, and on that note, here is Chrysler’s input to the LA Auto Show from the NYT:

Chrysler, which had embarrassingly canceled its only two hybrid vehicles in October — the same month they were introduced — had nothing left to introduce here.

3) AIG.  Speaking of bailouts.  Seems that AIG is to use like $500M for executive bonuses and retention.  I know it is obvious, but are these really the execs we want to retain?  This fits Yes MSG’s axiom of:

- The Professional Sports PR Assistant: Each team has a number of low rung functions like this.  Probably a $25-30K per year job.  However, you know what they pay for these jobs — ZERO.  You know why?  Because people like Theo Epstein and Brian Billick (yes, these two guys) are willing to work for nothing to get a foot in the door.  Most jobs are like that.

Now I am not saying that you replace GM’s or AIG’s CEO with a Yale grad fresh out of college, but there is certainly a strong group of candidates at lower rungs of management who could easily do the job, obviously better than the current CEOs who have set a negative bar.  So I say FIRE THESE GUYS with NO BONUSES (who gets a bonus for asking for $25B?) and get in someone who appears to want it and need it.

Lots of large organizations seem to do this with their execs.  Oh, we have to pay them huge bonuses to retain them. But these are the guys who

• Got you in this mess in the first place, and who
• Have no options — where are all these execs going to go?  It is not like there are a thousand VP and C-level jobs available. 
• This is most egregious in large, market dominant orgs.  Take Detroit.  You are a car exec with a highly dubious track record.  Who would hire you?  And if you are at all geographically constrained, what other companies in Detroit could even hire you?  You have no OPTIONS.  Magic Johnson or Warren Buffett would leverage that point, fire you with no bonus, and start sinking the metaphorical three pointers with a new, hungry, forward thinking management team

Most jobs can be done by the equivalent of the PR Assistant, the rest is luck.  For every Steve Jobs who has proven his vision and genius repeatedly, there are 1000s of CEOs and other execs who were lucky.

(I think I had more, but have to go to my day job)

I am back!

I know my loyal reader missed me, but Yes MSG took the much better half on an overnight to Denver to catch Madonna in concert this past week.  Now I know what you are saying — did you pick up your skirt on the way? But really, the show was awesome, and Madonna, and U2, are the two greatest musical acts of my generation.  (Elvis, Beatles, Stones, Springsteen are all previous generations, even if I have seen some of them and they were great.)  I put The Police, who I just saw too, a notch below. 

Regardless, there was not a lot of suspense in College Football.  Unlike last year, with the exception of the Big 12 South, there is not a lot of round robin upsets.  We are looking at Florida v Texas Tech in the finals, unless Tech loses at Oklahoma (distinct possibility) or spits the bit against Missouri in the Big 12 Title Game (not likely).

But while I was out, it was nice to see Congress thinking of giving the Big 3 automakers an addtional $25B on top of the $25B they already got.  It was rather odd to see two programs, in which Carl Levin (D-Michigan) and Thomas Friedman (Op-Eds NYT) debating whether Detroit was worthy (Yes according to Levin) or not (No, according to Friedman).

I mean, do we really want a writer and a career politician determining how to spend $25B?  Um, no.  Of course, considering the CEO, Rick Wagoner, says he is unclear why he should resign if they take the money, maybe the previous two are better choices.  (Um , Rick, who got GM into this mess — admittedly every short sighted and idiotic CEO over the past 30 years, but you did your part.)

But this got me thinking.  They claim that 1-3M jobs are at risk if the Auto industry fails.  What about Microsoft?  They, reportedly, have 640,000 partners.  Let’s say that each one has 20 employees.  That is 12.8M employees tied to Bill Gates.  Add in the 200K that Microsoft and vendors have and we are at a cool 13M.

What percentage are at risk if Google continues its onslaught?  I say easily 20%, if not up to 50%.  So a Microsoft failure could cost 2.6-6.5M jobs.  I say Steve Ballmer should camp out on the Hill if Detroit is any lesson.

Yikes!

BCS Correspondents Required

So College Football has started, early, and Yes MSG, who got his start lamenting the epic collapse of his Golden Bears, is excited.  Now, admittedly, too excited.  I already needed two ephedrine injections (think Uma Thurman, Pulp Fiction) as my Cal Bears tried to give the game back, twice, to the Spartans of Michigan State.

 (Gratuitous viewing for Page Views)

Anyway, with the FBS (Football Bowl Subdivision; FKA Division 1-A) season underway, I realize that I need correspondents for some of the 6 BCS conferences.  The current lineup:

Pac 10 – Yours Truly

Big 12 – Geno

SEC – Chris Fowler

Big 10 – [Needed.  I have friends who went to Michigan, but seem incapable of using email as they live under some kind of EMP cloud.  Conversely, I have passionate Ohio State friends, but they cannot write.  My Illinois friend will be disinterested by game 4 (if not already after the loss to Missouri.

ACC - [Needed.  OK, this conference sucks and is more hoop oriented, but it still counts as a BCS conference, where Wake Forest may be the best on offer.  Fortunately, while Baptists do not allow dancing, they do allow large men running into each other at high speed.]

Big East – [Needed. Anyone went to Louisville?  Rutgers?  West Virginia, who does not use a crayon since they are non-toxic?]

We can see if any non-BCS conferences present a worthy competitor — Utah, BYU — and fortunately, we will be able to ignore Notre Dame, but anyone is allowed to post disparaging remarks about that arrogant and insufferable program and its head coach.

Tammie Faye Bakker

Hi

I figured that the heading would draw attention and I will get to her.  But first, with little to blog about Sports-wise (OK, Goose Gossage deserves induction into the Hall of Fame), I thought I would cover a few topics.

1) Brett Favre — I agree that the Pack are better with him than A Rodgers, and I even went to Cal, but can Brett tarnish his legacy with his annual soap opera any more?  Every year we waited with bated breath to see if he was going to retire; then this year he finaly did.  Or so we thought.

Then he puts the team in a terrible position by saying (late) that he wants to come back and they should let him play elsewhere.  Whatever.  For goodness sake, he won ONE superbowl and lost another and that was 10 years ago.  He is no Montana — 4 SB victories, remmber?

Stop the madness and tend to your farm in Kiln, MS please.

2) Now on to Tammie Faye.  Is it just me or does every Evangelist have some sort of hypocritical addiction? 

The Bakkers had sexual, financial and makeup abuses.

Swaggert had prostitutes.

Haggard had drugs and male masseuses.

Even Oral Roberts threatened his flock with the “donate money or my maker will take me home.”

Now we have this Copeland guy with nepotism and financial improprieties. 

This is not to say that ALL Evangelical preachers are so affected, anymore than Pacman Jones represents all NFL Players, but it does seem that a large percentage of well known preachers fall prey to some vice; far higher percentage than that of the Young Rich athlete that would theoretically be railed against by the very likes of Bakker, Swaggert, Haggard, etc.

I’m just sayin!

Guiliani cannot be President or on the Golf Team (Tears are Shedding)

I should call this a political blog as it does involve the family Giuliani, but this actually revolves around his son Andrew.  You remember him, the little pudge who helped his dad with his acceptance speech as Governor of NY.  Turns out he is a golfer, kind of.

Anyway, the following is too funny, and could only be outdone if Rudy decided to sue the general electorate (or more appropriately, the Republicans) for not making him the Presumptive Candidate for the Presidency.

Comments from Yes MSG in CAPS below:

Rudy Giuliani’s son sues Duke over golf dismissal

RALEIGH, N.C. (AP) The son of former New York City mayor Rudy Giuliani is suing Duke University, claiming his golf coach manufactured accusations against him to justify kicking him off the team to whittle the squad.

Andrew Giuliani, a 22-year-old who will be a senior this fall, contends he had dreams of becoming a professional golfer and was dismissed without cause from the golf team in February without a chance to defend himself. He said in a statement Thursday that he sued “to make sure this doesn’t happen to anyone else at Duke.”

AH YES, MAKE SURE IT HAPPENS TO NO ONE ELSE.  DOING IT FOR THE MASSES, NOT BECAUSE I AM A TOOL.

Duke spokesman Michael J. Schoenfeld said the university would “vigorously defend this lawsuit” and insisted on fairness for all participants in its sports programs.

Giuliani was dismissed because coach O.D. Vincent III wanted to cut the team from 13 players to about half its size, the lawsuit said. He claims a breach of contract because he was recruited by Duke’s previous coaching staff.

BREACH OF CONTRACT?  HALF THE COLLEGE HOOPSTERS ENTER UNDER ONE REGIME AND LEAVE UNDER ANOTHER.  TUNE IN PUDGE!

“This has been heartbreaking,” Giuliani’s mother, Donna Hanover, said in a statement. “We tried for many months to convince members of the Duke administration that this situation should be corrected and we are sad that we have now had to turn to the court.”

BECAUSE DUKE DECIDED THAT ANDREW, UM, SUCKS AT GOLF.  LET’S SUE!

The coach said Giuliani “flipped his putter a few feet to his golf bag” and drove fast while leaving a golf course parking lot, according to the lawsuit. Giuliani also was accused of playing a team football game harder than the other players liked and of being disrespectful to a trainer.

But Giuliani says that conduct wasn’t grounds for dismissal. Instead, he said, the allegations were fabricated during the coach’s “rush to shrink the size of the men’s golf team. … The termination of Andrew’s eligibility would mean less competition for the few spots available,” the lawsuit says.

Last season, when there were 14 players on the Blue Devils men’s golf team, Giuliani was among the nine players who competed in only one or two tournaments. The team’s top five golfers competed in at least nine tournaments.

HE HAD DREAMS OF TURNING PRO, BUT ON IS MEDIOCRE GOLF TEAM, HE WAS ONLY GOOD ENOUGH TO PLAY IN A COUPLE OF TOURNAMENTS.  TIGER MUST BE SHAKING IN HIS KNEE BRACE.  JUST GO BECOME A GIULIANI CONSULTANTS PARTNER LIKE ALL OTHER SCIONS OF POLITICAL FATHERS DO — GO SELL INFLUENCE AND CONNECTIONS AND YOU MIGHT BE PRESIDENT SOMEDAY.

Giuliani’s best finish was a tie for 36th at the Fighting Illini Invitational in Olympia Fields, Ill. His season competition average was 74.5, good for 12th best on the team.

OH WAIT, 36TH AT THE FLYING ILLINI INVITATIONAL.  HE IS A SURE FIRE PRO.

The 198-page lawsuit was filed Wednesday in U.S. District Court by Durham attorney Robert Ekstrand. Ekstrand did not immediately return a message seeking comment.

Rudy Giuliani’s spokeswoman, Sunny Mindel, said the former mayor had no comment.

“This is a private matter,” Mindel said.

The lawsuit seeks unspecified compensatory damages and the right to use the state-of-the-art Duke golf center while he is in school and after he graduates. It also seeks a jury trial.

MONEY AND USE OF THE GOLF FACILITY.  REMEMBER, JUST SO THIS DOES NOT HAPPEN TO ANYONE ELSE AT DUKE.  YES MSG IS GOING TO SUE TO USE THE SONICS TRAINING FACILITY AS THEY WILL OBVIOUSLY NOT BE NEEDING IT.

The lawsuit said the coach created a “Lord of the Flies scheme” under which Giuliani might be reinstated. The reference was to the novel in which schoolboys trapped on an island tried to govern themselves.

Vincent said Giuliani could rejoin the team if each member wrote a letter that satisfied the coach in support of Giuliani, but if one member declined the suspension was permanent, the lawsuit said.

The coach then told players who expressed support to refrain until they talked more to Giuliani, and at the same time told Giuliani not to contact team members, the lawsuit said. Five players later wrote an e-mail stating that Giuliani should be removed from the team.

FIVE MEMBERS SAY SEE YA ANDREW; SOUNDS LIKE THE COACHES DECISION WAS SOUND.

OF COURSE, SINCE THIS IS DUKE, WHERE ARE THE STRIPPERS?