Investigative Journalism

(Bonus Banker Bailout link at the bottom that you don’t want to miss)

So a perplexing marriage took place.  Marko Jaric, a backup on the Minnesota Timberwolves

Married Adriana Lima, Super Model from Brazil

Sure, Marko is in the NBA, and makes $6.6M a year, but shouldn’t she have married an All-Star?  I figure a top “super” as they are known in Brazil marries/dates the NBA version of Tom Brady (like Gisele), not a scrub on a crappy team.

So Yes MSG is heading to Brazil to determine exactly how this match took place. 

Regardless, though, kudos to Marko for being an All-Star in another way, definitely playing out of his league — TWICE!

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Now on to the Banker Blog.  Seems some poor ladies whose boyfriends/husbands have been adversely affected by the Wall Street collapse, don’t know what to do now that they don’t get their own bailout funds to lunch at Nobu and buy Jimmy Choo shoes. 

Read their heartbreaking stories here, but to whet your appetite, here is the intro from their site.

Dating A Banker Anonymous

Are you or someone you love dating a banker? If so, we are here to support you through these difficult times. Dating A Banker Anonymous (DABA) is a safe place where women can come together – free from the scrutiny of feminists– and share their tearful tales of how the mortgage meltdown has affected their relationships. DABA Girls was started by two best friends whose relationships tanked with the economy. Not knowing what else to do, we did what frustrated but articulate girls have done since the beginning of time – we started a blog. So if your monthly Bergdorf’s allowance has been halved and bottle service has all but disappeared from your life, lighten your heart with laughter and email your stories to dabagirls@gmail.com. Warning all stories sent will be infused with our own special brand of DABA Girl humor.

Jewish Supermodels

So we all know that one of the shortest books, pamphlet really, (n)ever written, is Famous Jewish Athletes.  However, while getting my coffee at 7-11, I gave a cursory glance to the most recent Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition.  To my surprise, it turns out that two of this year’s models, including the cover model, are nice Jewish girls from Israel.  Now Yes MSG has attended Temple, had a Bar Mitzvah, yet he can unequivocally attest to the fact that these two were not, unfortunatley, remotely representative of the “hotties” at Rodef Shalom.

If you had asked me 20 years ago which was most likely: Two Jewish Supermodels in the same issue of SI, or two starting NFL QBs from Brandeis University?  Well, the Yes MSG empire may have needed a bailout a la De-Twa (Detroit in French pronunciation).

However, I am incredibly pleased that my favorite drinking hole, Bar Refaeli, is gaining popularity outside of the beaches of Tel Aviv and the apartment of Leonardo DiCaprio.

And here is Esti Ginsburg, who should be the pinup girl at every Yeshiva.

Finally, Milka Duno.  Why do I include her?  Well, mainly because she was the first discovery of Yes MSG.  And considering that SI actually has included the less than average Danica Patrick in its most recent issue, I do this as a service (and as a bonus, I am NOT including any pictures of Danica.

Oh, and the last time that I included Milka in my blog, it got more hits than any other page, including, unbelievably, my soliloquy on the Government’s financial bailout.

OK, Yes MSG is off to the (cold) shower.

Bonds REAL HR Total

Updating the post:  Who does A-Rod’s PR?  I know he hired Outside Eyes, which is obviously a misnomer as even Yes MSG, with its limited PR experience, knows that there are a few strategies you implement, as opposed to what A-Rod did.  For example:

1. Take the 5th.  Essentially, this is what McGwire did.  He did not implicate himself of anyone else.  You can debate the merits of that, but it is better than lying
2. Pretend you don’t understand the questions.  Best exemplified by Sammy Sosa, who ‘no speako the ingles’ in front of Congress.  Sure, A-Rod has lived his entire life in FLA, WA, TX and NY, but he is a dual citizen with the Dominican Republic, so always a possibility
3. Man-up.  This seems to be the Pettitte way.  Personally, I think that Pettitte did not tell the ENTIRE truth — just two times, recovering from industry, sure!  But it was believable enough, no inconsistencies, and perhaps he did not reveal anything, but at least it is supposed to have not lied

Instead, A-Rod makes lame excuses — young, stupid — and has inconsistencies — drug was not available over the counter in Dom Republic.  Also claims he was experimenting, for THREE YEARS?  And now there is evidence that A-Rod has a relationship with a doctor who has a sketchy past with Steroids.  Maybe only smoke, but considering all the other evidence, he does not get the benefit of the doubt.

Outside Eyes should go out of business.  Give him 5 talking points, make an apology, and move on.  Why “come clean” [pun intended] with rambling statements that only bring up more questions.  That is the WORST PR strategy.  But at least it gives us all something to blog about and to take glee in the schadenfreude.

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Original Post

So A-Rod has his press conference.  It was covered ad nauseum.  He was y0ung and stupid; his ‘cousin’ injected him; he did not know what it was although it was called “boli;” and he thanked his teammates, who were totally non-plussed.  My main question was actually: Who does his makeup?  Seriously, he has an orange (fake) tan, his skin has the closest shave such that it like he has never seen a razor, and he always uses just the right shade of lipstick.  He should walk the red carpet at the Oscars in a dress by Narciso Rodriguez (no relation).

Actually, the best part of the press conference was this mathematically-challenged question from a reporter: “So A-Rod, you admit to injecting yourself twice a month over three years, so that is at least 36 times, and you did not know what you were taking?”  36?  Um, Einstein, 2x a month is 24 times a year.  Over 3 years would be 72 times, but who is counting?  Oh, that is right; you are!

Now before I get to the HR adjustment, I have a prediction: A-Rod will suck this year.  There is no way a guy that fragile will be able to put all the questions and further allegations behind him.  Wait until he gets to Boston.  Even polite little Seattle will let him have it.  And it is obvious that his teammates and the organization would like to be rid of him.  Jeter said he “was a teammate and that they would support him,” but also went on to point out that not everyone was doing it.  GM Cashman pointed out how A-Rod was an asset, and they had to protect that asset – how personal, an Asset!  And Jorge Posada supposedly left the press conference in the middle.  With a network of supporters like that, I am sure he will be able to handle the Bronx pressure better than he has in the past.  His own teammates do not accept him; and A-Rod wants nothing more than to be liked.  Oops.

Lastly, and in the comment of the day, Johnny Damon, when asked what A-Rod could have done that would have been worse, replied: “Murder Someone.”  Gotta love Johnny Damon.  He did not refer to himself and his Boston teammates as “Idiots” without good reason!

But now to the HR totals.  One interesting tidbit that came out of this investigation were A-Rod’s Games Played and HR totals during the three years (according to A-Rod) that he used Primobolin.  When compared with the rest of his career, he averaged around 13 more games and 15 more HRs during these years.  So of his 553 HRs, you can presume that 15 a year (45 HRs) are illegit.  So that would give his a total of 553 HRs a more realistic total of 508.  So sets him back a bit in his pursuit of Bonds, speaking of which:

Barry had 762 HRs, using Alex as a proxy, and presuming that Barry juiced for 8 years, conservatively, then he has an extra 12o HRs.  So his 762 would be 642 if he had not juiced.  Still good enough for 4th place behind Godfather Willie Mays at 660. 

So there you go, each year of roid use is worth about 15 dingers.  Sure, I did not normalize for stadiums and other variables, but what do I look like, a statististician.

But at least A-Rod’s ‘roid sage has shed some light on the HR value of Steroids!  Now we can normalize all the records.

Maybe he will right a book — The User’s Guide to Statistics!

Chicken Obama

(Before I get to today’s topic, I must admit that I read a rather depressing article.  The creator of the blog – Fake Steve Jobs – has admitted that despite the publicity and the monthly UUs (up to 1.5M), the most money he ever made on his blog was like $1000+.  So you know that with my dreams being crushed, Yes MSG will always just bring you the objective news.  I will (obviously) not be prisoner to any commercial interests.)

So Obama and the Republicans seem to be playing the most famous game of chicken since Kevin Bacon got his shoelace tangled in the tractor’s gas pedal in the movie Footloose.  The Republicans are now, after eight profilgate years, playing the party of fiscal conservatism.  Tax cuts, not spending, will get us out of this mess.

The Prez thinks differently.

Interestingly, the Republicans have decided to take on one of the most popular and anticepated presidencies in our lifetime.  Interesting strategy, for as easy as it will be to blame the “Liberals” (Reid, Pelosi), it should be easier to blame the party that never raised a fuss as “W” doubled the national debt from $4.5T to $9T.

Then again, the Republicans are like Nike when it comes to staying on message — Be Like Mike — whereas, the Democrats are more like, well, I can’t remember.

I still give Obama 5-3 odds on winning in 2010, but right behind LeBron James potential free agency, this will be the story of 2010.

Continuing with the Vegas theme, I want to give you some early College Football advice.  Since Stuart Mandel of SI, preeminent CFB writer, is on sabbatical until summer, Yes MSG is going to be THE PLACE for CFB.  So here is your first tip:

Take whatever is left of your investment funds and bet it on Florida in its game versus Tennessee this fall, and give the points.  Boy Blunder, Lane Kiffin, who flamed out, expectedly, with the Raiders, and somehow got the job at Tennessee promptly teed off Urban Meyer by accusing him of cheating during recruiting.  Sure, Lame Lane might have been speaking in jest, but angering the coach of the defending national champion with the best player in football – Tebow – returning at QB is not s-m-a-r-t.

Considering Lame also teed off Georgia, and the SEC also has coaches at Alabama (Saban), LSU (Miles) and even South Carolina (Spurrier), expect it to be a looooooong season for the Volunteers.

Also of note, this weekend had the NBA All Star Game (it also had the Daytona 500, but i refuse to watch a sport whose most famous driver — Dale Earnhardt Junior — has never won anything).  I did not bother with the game, but Kobe and Shaq shared the MVP award, which was funny since Shaq played all of 11 minutes.  But even better was Phil Jackson, afterwards, discussing the rapprochement between Shaq and Kobe as something that can be a lesson for all, even the world.  Forget the fact that they could not enjoy combined success.  Forget the fact that Kobe used Shaq as an excuse with the police for his sexual indiscretions in Colorado.  Forget that Mitch Kupchak was forced by Kobe to trade Shaq (if one had to go that made the most sense) and Shaq has always resented Kobe for it.  Forget the fact that Kobe made it clear they not pals (Kobe said that they were not going to go ‘watch Steel Magnolias together’).

Sure Phil, I imagine that Israel and Hamas will use this to find peace in the Middle East.

We were going to shoot more rockets into Ashkelon, but then we saw how Shaq and Kobe shared the ball.  Maybe a two state solution is not that bad.

Lastly, for those of you who read the Pat “Forde Yard Dash” on ESPN.com, you know that he always recommends a place for food and a beer in each college town.  Ladies and Gentlemen, Yes MSG hereby recommendsthe drinks at:

Bar Refaeli

Click now, thank me later!

Welcome to the Mini Mart

Welcome to the first edition of the Mini-Mart, where I dish up a series of spicy topics (get it? Spicy?  MSG?)

1. A-Rod is a liar.  Fine, he admitted he took steroids, “pretty” accurately between 2001 and 2003.  And he is sorry, but what he means is that “he is sorry HE GOT CAUGHT.”  Does anyone really care anymore?  Baseball had already lost its luster, and now that all the top players seems to be drug users, the only thing we can do is see if A-Rod is the first to cry in the Batter’s Box.
2. But I will admit that strippers, divorce, Madonna, PEDs – the man is on a roll.  I will leave out the joke about he obviously went off the regimen in October.  But considering the joy the steroid scandal has brought, maybe it is all worth it.

   Pettitte only doing it twice — um, sure — and not to gain an advantage but to recover from injury.  Andy, you duffus, if injuries are part of the game, and you use something illegal to recover, then that IS gaining an advantage.  McGwire not talking about the past, and dedicating his life to educating kids about steroids (from the golf course with OJ it appears); Sammy forgetting English (Tejada should have tried that), Raffi Palmeiro’s finger wag.  Raffi, what were you thinking?  Why be so adamant when you know that you had done them?  You did blame Tejada, which looks more promising, but still, you are a liar.  And finally, Barry and Roger — no comment necessary.

   I am also thankful that Congress does not think it worth it to have Rodriguez testify.

3. Ya think?  Plus, isn’t is hypocritical for Congress to investigate someone for lying, etc. when that is pretty much what they do daily.  They may call it dissembling or being economical with the truth; I call it mendacity.
4. In another instance of Pot-Kettle-Black, congress spent the day berating Wall Street execs for their huge bonuses.  I too have no idea how those at the top justify bonuses when your business essentially goes bankrupt and you have to ask your ‘dad’ for funds, but that is what I would expect from people who are in charge of paying themselves; especially bankers, who, if you read my post below, have fewer ethics and scruples than even consultants.

   Few people, and usually only a very small percentage of the Super Rich (Rich like I never have to work again, billionaire rich) would not pay themselves exorbitant amounts of money.  In fact, Bankers are a lot like, hmmm, I don’t know, what public officials also pay themselves and determine their raises?  Oh yeah, Congress.  When was the last time they voted down an amendment that raises their pay?  Fortunately for them, they don’t pay themselves bonuses based on balanced budgets.

5. Speaking of Congress, they have given Obama the shortest honeymoon since Britney got married in Vegas.  Of course, I have to apportion some blame on the President.  Dude, if you want to stimulate the economy with all the capital you had after the most awaited inauguration since Kennedy, then YOU draft a bill that is as free of pork and dumb ideas and tell Pelosi and Reid to get it passed.  And when they try to add silly clauses, and the Repubs try to cut more taxes, you can take the high ground.

   Instead, you let the Dems in Congress, who are guilty of No Oversight in the past 8 years (Barney Frank railed against all further regulation of Fannie and Freddie and cajoled them into being freer with their lending policies — thanks Barney, you twit) write a bill that the Republicans, the same Republicans who demonstrated less criticism of their own President than the Politburo or the Communist Party Congress, take the high ground, because they are now fiscally conservative and worried about our debt.

6. Isn’t this the same party that watched our national debt double from $4.5T to $9T over Bush’s 8 years?  Either they considered that good debt, making them financial hypocrites, or they put party ahead of country, making then general hypocrites
7. Maybe they will pass legislation criticizing Michael Phelps instead.  Gee, the guy gets high and now he is a pariah.  Of course, when he was getting a DUI, like Tony LaRussa, Carmelo Anthony, Charles Barkley, and half the NFL (it seems), that is ok.  Um, no it is not. If he gets baked, the only item at risk is the KitchenAid refrigerator.  Driving drunk — well go ask MADD.

   Really, it is rather confusing.  He drives drunk, and Kellogg’s has no problem.  If his sponsor wereBudweiser, maybe I would understand.  Instead, he gets stoned, and Kellogg’s drops him.  Ironic.  If more kids emulated that behavior, Kellogg’s sales would increase.  Who wouldn’t reach for the Frosted Flakes after some ‘grass’?

8. Maybe Kellogg’s was too busy lobbying Congress (wow, they get into every story) about how Frosted Flakes and their other Corn-based products should be considered a vegetable.  Forget the childhood obesity and totally unforgiveable increase in diabetes that we are seeing.

Sorry for the heavy ending to the first Mini Mart, but Frosted Flakes and Mini Mart seemed to be the right time.  But never fear, I will be back soon with a review of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue, and see how it compares to the most famous of all time — Paulina Porizkova on the cover back in 1983.

Nadya Suleman

Perhaps my readers may not recognize the title of this post.  If so, good for you, as it means you are more focused on the bi-partisanship going on in Washington, wondering how Santonio kept his feet in bounds, or are spending more time with your family.  That is why Yes MSG is here.  To keep you informed.  You see, while the world is focused on financial mismanagement by Wall Street, TARP funds, and our government’s inability to do what is best for anyone but their loser selves, a far more egregious use of your tax dollars — if you are a California resident — is about to take place.

No, I don’t mean helping the Governator get out of the Multi-$B debt of the Golden State; I mean paying to take care of Ms. (yes, Ms.) Suleman’s 14 children.  Not a typo.

Ms. Suleman, single mother of 6, decided to go in for treatment to achieve Lucky 7, and ended up with octuplets.  My rant will go on, but let me get to the facts:

1. Ms. Suleman is single
2. Ms. Suleman is 33 years of age
3. Ms. Suleman was married from 1996-2000 (actual divorce in 2008, but separated for years)
4. Ms. Suleman felt her childhood was dysfunctional as she was an only child and was lonely
5. Ms. Suleman used to work (not, ironically, reside) in a Mental Hospital, but was injured in an accident and received $165K in disability
6. Ms. Suleman appears to have a degree but is currently in school (i.e. not employed) while she pursues (between preganancies) a Master’s Degree
7. Ms. Suleman stated that all she ever wanted was ‘to be a mother.’
8. Ms. Suleman sought in vitro to achieve her dream since, supposedly, the injuries suffered mentioned above, prevented her from getting pregnant
9. Ms. Suleman disproved her own theory (#7) by becoming pregnant through in vitro often enough to have six kids between the ages of 2 & 7 (not sure if there are twins in there)
10. Ms. Suleman never considered that her lack of success in getting pregnant was lack of spouse not her injuries (you bimbo)
11. Ms. Suleman was not satisfied with 6 kids as a single parent, so she went for 7; however, she implanted 6 eggs, and with two sets of twins (understandable since her ovaries had been over stimulated for like 8 years), ended up with 8 kids
12. Ms. Suleman used the same fertility doctor, who was obviously unconcerned with ethics and was all to happy to take her disability funds
13. Ms. Suleman used the same donor, a friend (not her husband), who is either clueless or freaked that he now has 14 kids

Let me pause here as 13 seems like an appropriate number of points to make.

Now I know what you are thinking.  Gee, a single mother with no job and 14 kids is not going to end well, even if the State of California pays for the majority of care (last I checked, Cal state funds don’t necessarily cover private school, university, etc.).  But Ms. Suleman wants to put your mind at rest.  In her interview with Ann Curry of Today Show, she said:

• She loves her kids with all her heart
• She will stop her life for her kids
• (Conversely) She is certain she will be able to provide for them when she finishes school
• She will “be there for them; be present for them” (um, don’t you have to get a job?)
• She already hold all 8 of them at least 45 minutes a day each (ok, that is 6 hours total and does not include the other 6 kids, plus a job, laundry, work, sleep, feeding — do that math Bimbo!)
• She feels that she is being unfairly persecuted because she is a single mother, not a traditional couple (Note to Ditz: if you were the single mom of 1 or 2, no one would say anything; having 6, then trying for 7, then keeping 8 are your 3 BIG errors and we would say the same for any family — even Ms. Jolie — see below — mother of six, were she continue to add to her brood)
• She is not trying to emulate Angelina Jolie (you be the judge; but either way, Ms. Jolie has about 50 million more reasons to at least be able to financially provide for her clan)

So there you go.  Despicable.

I am not sure what is worse –

Having to pay Wall Street idiots (and that is how I refer to those responsible for tanking the economy to line their own pockets with what they knew were overly risky behaviors), in order to save main street idiots (and that is how I refer to those who made no money but took on huge mortgages), and to save the rest of the country who is suffering but has no blame in this mess

Or

Having to pay Ms. Suleman, for the upkeep and care of her litter, in order to ensure that her 14 kids, who have no blame in this, have a reasonable chance at a normal life free of poverty, etc.

Needless to say, Ms. Suleman’s choice has a huge societal impact, and that is unfair to all of us.

Super Bowl Recap

My inbox is full of people wondering where my Super Bowl XLIII Recap is.  Since SI’s Peter King already has his Monday Morning Quarterback and ESPN’s Gregg Easterbrook’s Tuesday Morning Quarterback, Yes MSG needed his own “day.”  So welcome to Wednesday Morning Offensive Lineman.  Note, the stress will be on the of-FEN-sive. (Actually, the YouTube Clip at the bottom will fulfill that foreshadowing more than you could know.)

Of course, I am just following the Leader of the Free World, who, in his interview with Matt Lauer on Super Bowl Sunday, was asked how he felt about being cut out of the cover photo of US Weekly in favor of a picture of Jessica Simpson.

Barack’s reply? “Who is in a weight battle, apparently.”  Funniest moment of the day.  Seriously, the Prez taking down America’s Bimbo was classic.  How could W be considered a “regular guy” and BHO an elitist.  Any guy who calls out US Weekly and Jessica Simpson is the kind of guy that I want to hang with.

Now I have many topics to cover:

1. Game Recap
2. Party Recap
3. Special YouTube Recap

So let’s get this party started.

First off, I cannot believe how accurate my prediction was.  You could read my prediction a couple of posts below, or I can jsut cut and paste the pertinent part here:

The game will be close.  Arizona will start slowly but turn it on in the fourth quarter where Larry Fitzgerald will put his mark on the game and give the Cardinal a surprising last minutes lead.

But Pittsburgh, through an end of first half defensive score, a few favorable calls from the officials, the amazing ability of Ben Roethlisberger to extend plays and hit WR Santonio Holmes, will score a last minute touchdown to win over a game Cardinals team.

27-23 Steel Town

Now this was not the best Super Bowl ever.  Really?  The first three quarters were boring, and poorly played. With the obvious exception of James Harrison’s remarkable INT return for a TD.  (Update – after originally posting this, I read DemiGod Bill Simmons article and he agreed that the game was horseshi$ until the fourth and NOT the best of all time.)  What was freakish was how the score theoretically changed a million times during play.

• Score is 10-7
• Play starts and you think 10-14
• Harrison Intercepts and you think, not even 10-10, Cards blew it, 10-7 at half
• Harrison starts running down the field; still thinking 10-7
• Harrison crosses the 50, the 40, the 30 and there are six seconds left, you think 13-7 as Pitt will get a FG
• Harrison crosses the 15, then the 10 and you think he will be tackled and time will run out, 10-7 again
• Harrison tackled in the end zone — are you kidding me — 17-7

Most amazing play in Super Bowl history; hands down.

But not until the fourth did it really get going.  And for me, the quality was not what I would have expected.  Kind of sloppy.  Pittsburgh arguably played better but kept getting 3, not 7.  The Cardinals had two good drives, and a rather amazing play by Larry Fitz to take the lead.

Ben’s last drive was amazing though.  Normally, in those pre-game shows you learn NOTHING.  But a few analysts did say that Ben’s ability to extend the play could be the difference, and it was.  On that final drive, facing First and 20 at the 12, Ben drops back to the 2 and is surrounded by a couple of Cards.  If he is sacked, it is 2nd and 30 and times are tough.  Instead, he hits Holmes for 14 yards and it is 2nd and 6.  To me, THAT was the play of the game.   He takes the sack, they don’t score.  At least, that is the Yes MSG take.

I feel bad for the Cards though, as they will not be back.  Warner’s Super Bowl history is amazing too.  He has been in 3 Super Bowls and all have come down to (about) the last play.  And he had to watch all 3 finales from the sidelines.

- Against the Titans, he watches Mike Jones stop Kevin Dyson at the one to prevent a tie and overtime.

- Against the Pats he watches Tom Brady drive the team down the field and Viniatieri drill the game winner as time expired.

- Then Big Ben – Santonio with 34 seconds to go.

Tough to be on the literal sidelines for all three of those.

Second is the Party recap.  I must admit that for a party thrown by a South African and a Romanian, they outdid themselves.  Two kinds of chili, numerous desserts, and, most importantly, all kinds of chips and dips.  And the guests were more knowledgeable about football then I thought.

In fact, Yes MSG only had to drop the knowledge one time: explaining that Holding in the end zone is a safety; thereby setting up our fantastic finish.

Our hosts also went out on a 20 mile trek the night before the game so that we could watch the (disappointing ads) in 3D.  Only a foreigner would have done that.  Any American would have told the guests to “pound sand” as opposed to go get 3D glasses.  So Yes MSG can wholeheartedly recommend the inaugural Super Bowl party thrown by foreigners as you can ‘leverage’ the eagerness to please.

Year 2 is no guarantee, but I am thinking of convincing my Safari friend that he needs to host The Final Four and 4th of July.  Don’t let him in on my little scam.

Finally, did you all hear about the, um, little glitch that occurred, ironically, in Phoenix?  Seems that after Larry Fitzgerald’s 64 yard TD romp, comcast accidentally (I guess) had a programming issue and switched the Super Bowl broadcast to some adult film.  After about 30 seconds, they return to the broadcast, right in the middle of the Fitzgerald replay.

As this is a family site – kind of – I cannot embed the link, but click here if you want to see it.  Don’t worry, they have blacked out the ‘bad stuff’ but the whole item is surreal.  (Thanks to P-Dub for pointing this out to Yes MSG.)